Dreams in the Dark: Embracing the Sword
by siewlee
Summary: Aoshi begins his long, harsh trek through life.
1. Default Chapter Title

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Dreams in the Dark   
  
Part 1 : Embracing the Sword (Chapter 1)   
  
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~~~ Summer, 1857 - in the outskirts of Edo ~~~   
  
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Darkness.   
  
It was all around him, smothering him.   
  
The rhythmic splashing of raindrops echoed in his ears   
endlessly and the cold assaulted his wracked body without mercy. His   
face was buried in his arms, his body already numb and wet. A gust of   
cold air blew past and he shivered uncontrollably. His feet were blue   
from the cold as he had lost his shoes when he ran and ran from his   
home.   
  
He walked without aimlessly, his mind only knowing to escape   
from the unknown. Slowly, he walked forward again, only to collapse   
in exhaustion as his feet could carry him no longer.   
  
Ten days... It had been ten days.   
  
Suddenly, there was a loud noise above him. He looked up, only   
to see bits of the clay tiles on the roof being blown away by the   
savage wind, leaving the rotting structural wooden beams behind. The   
boy ignored the rain, letting it wet his body.   
  
He had been through conditions worse than that. There were days   
when he would eat dirt and grass just to fill his empty stomach.   
There were also nights when he would lay his head on a boulder to   
rest his aching body.   
  
Tears came.   
  
Loud sobs escaped from his throat as his fragile self lay   
huddled in a corner, the slick wet wood supporting his entire body   
weight. Lightning bolts flashed across the skies. They were beautiful   
indeed, but the power and strength they showed were more than   
frightening. To the little boy, they were nothing compared to the   
terror and horror which he had witnessed. The temple in which he had   
sought protection from the merciless weather was slowly crumbling   
away under the bad weather but the boy stayed rooted there, his legs   
too tired to carry him any further.   
  
With a careless wipe by the sleeve of his ragged gi top, the   
little boy gathered himself and stood up. Puddles of muddy water   
dominated the barren earth and the soft ground sank dangerously   
beneath his feet. He steadied his balance by holding onto a broken   
wooden pillar with his trembling hands but slowly let go. The ancient   
statue of Buddha in the abandoned temple loomed behind those doors   
but the little boy stood outside the old building, seeking only   
minimal protection from the rain before the edge of the roof was   
blown away. His blood stained clothes burned his body and he stared   
at them unblinkingly. Painfully, he tried to croak out a word, but   
his throat was parched. He tried again; this time, he barely   
succeeded.   
  
"Haha-ue..." mumbled the little boy as a tear slipped past his   
left eye. He looked at the front panel of his tiny cotton yukata and   
saw it stained red in color.   
  
"Chichi-ue..."   
  
All he could remember was the terrified screams of his mother   
when the attackers raided the outer branch of the Matsudaira   
household. *Chichi-ue was screaming something... Something about the   
house of Watanabe...* whispered the boy silently but he never got to   
listen to the entire word for all he had heard after that were   
screams and shrieks. Those memories would never fade no matter how   
hard he wished they would.   
  
"Watanabe! Watanabe! Watanabe!" screamed a voice in his mind   
and young boy snarled fiercely at the word. Those eyes... That man   
was holding his baby sister and threw her high in the air, aiming the   
sharp katana beneath her. He had to bite his fingers to avoid   
screaming when the crying bundle slid down from the tip of the sword   
to its hilt, her blood staining the blade a bright crimson hue.   
  
There was no more crying, only the booming sound of the   
ninja's sadistic laughter.   
  
He would remember that insane look in that man's eyes forever.   
That rabid light in his eyes were enough to made him shiver in fear.   
  
The little boy kneeled down on the ground, ignoring the   
dampness that attacked his fragile body. *Haha-ue...* wept the boy.   
He could never retell the horror and grief which overwhelmed him when   
he climbed out from the covered well where he sought refuge during   
the onslaught. It was like a sword being driven through his heart   
when he saw a familiar figure lying on the floor in a puddle of   
blood.   
  
He had seen enough of these things.   
  
"Haha-ue!" he remembered screaming. He stared at a long gash   
along her arm and shrank back in fear. He had accidentally cut   
himself once before and it hurt. Now, a gash about a foot long   
adorned his mother's arm and fresh blood was still gushing from it.   
Tears brimmed beneath his eyelids just to see how much pain and   
suffering his mother was forced to endure... Suddenly, the woman's   
eyes fluttered open and gazed at him. The boy edged closer, ignoring   
the blood which had soaked his knees and gi top.   
  
"Haha-ue?"   
  
"Come here, Shi-chan... Come..." the woman whispered in a   
barely audible voice. Tears brimmed from her eyes as she struggled to   
sit up. The boy nodded and tried to help her up, calling her 'haha-  
ue' in fearful whimpers. The woman gritted her teeth and reached   
behind with her uninjured arm to tear off her obi. With blood   
dripping from her chin, she drew her finger across the puddle of her   
own blood and began writing on the cloth with soft agonized moans. He   
looked fearfully on, his innocent eyes not understanding a single   
word before his mother finished scribbling on her cloth belt and   
stuffed it into the inside of his gi top with a shaking hand. Bearing   
the pain, the woman reached into her kimono and removed a copper coin   
strung on a red string. Weakly, she pulled the boy closer and placed   
the string around her son's neck. Slowly, she slumped down again,   
tears rolling down her pale cheeks.   
  
His mother's last words still echoed in his mind when he tried   
to lift her up again: "G... Go... Go and find someone named   
Tsunashige Makimachi of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu clan... He, as the   
Okashira, will help you... Let him read this letter and show him the   
coin, and he will help you... Shi-chan, take good care of yourself   
and seek vengeance for us when you are strong! Remember, seek   
vengeance..."   
  
The boy shook his head violently and cried, incoherent sounds   
erupting from his very core. He couldn't understand what was going   
on! He was frightened and scared; those gory scenes flashed past in   
his mind continuously. Fresh blood was trickling from the edge of her   
mouth as she coughed up mouthfuls of the sticky red liquid when she   
spoke to him for the last time. One sleeve of her purple kimono was   
torn off and long gashes adorned her upper torso. When she hugged   
him, he could heard her anguished breathing.   
  
When she died, her eyes remained open. The light in them... He   
would remember his mother's final expression.   
  
He shook her, called for her, but she remained motionless on   
the tiled floor. He hugged her tightly, refusing to let her go, but   
her body was getting colder and colder with every second that passed.   
  
It finally dawned on him that haha-ue would never kiss him,   
hold him or even talk to him ever again.   
  
It was this far that his short legs could carry him and he   
collapsed weakly face-first onto the soft ground.   
  
When was the last time it rained?   
  
The boy looked up at the darkened sky with dimmed blue eyes,   
relishing the rivulets of rain that ran down his cheeks, mingling   
with his tears.   
  
He knew the answer.   
  
It was just two days ago that it had last rained, but it had   
rained blood.   
  
Giving a shrill cry, the boy crawled towards the entrance of   
the old temple and heaved himself onto the doorsteps. He looked   
directly at the serene statue of Buddha and softly whispered, "Lord   
Buddha, where is haha-ue? Lord Buddha, where is haha-ue? Let me be   
with haha-ue!"   
  
Slowly, his vision blurred and the objects around him seemed to   
have double outlines. A splitting headache set in and even that speck   
of light in his unconscious mind was effectively shut out by the   
reigning darkness.   
  
Before long, a small body lay motionless on the doorsteps of   
the abandoned temple, exposed to the rain.   
  
When was the last time it rained again?   
  
In fact, the rain would never stop. Instead, it would continue   
throughout his entire life, overshadowing the memories of his   
childhood.   
  
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Steady footsteps drew nearer and nearer.   
  
A figure towered above a slumped little body. The rain was   
slowing down and it was just a soft drizzle over the barren plains.   
The storm had just calmed down and droplets of water from the   
wide-rimmed straw hat dripped onto the ground. The man tore off the   
black veil which covered the lower part of his face and tucked it   
away in his uniform.   
  
"Little boy..." called the man, his dark mustache and goatee   
bristling at the sight of the dried blood on the boy's clothes.   
Gently, he bent down to roll the boy face up and gasped a little.   
  
"Kami-sama... Ichiro-chan?" half-shouted the man, shaking the   
boy's arm violently. *No... It can't be... Ichiro-chan is long   
dead...* whispered a voice skeptically in his mind. The man shook   
free of the voice and took a closer look at the boy. Gashes and   
bruises adorned his chest and his eyes were squeezed shut. His face   
was ghastly pale and his dark hair was plastered on his forehead. His   
fingers reached down to feel the boy's limbs and he moved his hand   
away reflexively. "Kami-sama... Is he dead?" muttered the man and   
began rubbing his hands against the boy's cold body.   
  
"Poor thing..." whispered the man and kneeled down on one knee,   
a hand stroking the boy's silky hair. Suddenly, something within the   
boy's clothes caught his eye.   
  
He narrowed his eyes. No, it wasn't mere dirt or debris, but   
it was a piece of fabric and there was some scrawling showing   
through.   
  
With tentative fingers, the man reached down to retrieve the   
cloth from the boy's chest. Flipping it open, his eyes widened.   
*No... This can't be... Ieshige Matsudaira can't be dead!* thought   
the man frantically, sitting on the ground weakly. *No, it can't be.   
If there was a massacre in the house of Matsudaira, then why was   
every thing still in proper order when I was there a mere two days   
ago? But then, there was no-one to be found on the premise? Were they   
all murdered?* He heaved a depressed sigh and closed his eyes for a   
moment, suddenly too tired to think anymore. Blinking them open, he   
quickly scanned through the rest of the letter. *Too late...   
Okashira, it's too late... * mumbled the man and gritted his teeth,   
his eyes staring at the boy.   
  
"I failed the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu... I failed my lord..."   
  
Stealing another glance at the unconscious boy, the man folded   
the letter and proceeded to slip it into the inner folds of his ninja   
uniform. *Better not to let him know about this... He's too young.   
Lucky thing, he is still very much alive.* Tearing off his cloak, he   
wrapped it around the fragile body and proceeded to carry the boy   
inside the temple. He looked around, his bright eyes searching for   
some twigs within the old temple.   
  
Very soon, a warm bonfire was crackling merrily in the midst of   
the ruined building. The man stroked the boy gently on his head and   
took off his outer coat, covering the shivering boy with it.   
  
"Matsudaira Aoshi, ne? Don't worry, my boy, you will live   
well... I'll get you to Okashira," whispered the man and flashed a   
small grin.   
  
The man smiled a little and leaned back, drifting into the Land   
of Dreams.   
  
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"Haha-ue!" A shrill scream pierced through the silent night and   
a figure sat up straight, haggard breathing filling the air. Beads   
of sweat rolled down his forehead and his cotton yukata was damp from   
a mixture of perspiration and rainwater. There was a tingling   
sensation in his limbs and he shivered uncontrollably in the   
coldness. He stared at the cloak which kept him warm and wondered,   
*Who gave me the cloak? Was that you, haha-ue?* A few embers burning   
brightly in the night caught his attention and he looked at them   
curiously. *Haha-ue? Did you see me shivering in the cold and you   
gave me those embers to warm me?*   
  
They gave out warmth and comfort, almost as if he was lying in   
his mother's arms with the silky fabric of her kimono rustling in his   
ears.   
  
*Haha-ue? Is that you? I miss you... Where are you?*   
  
Suddenly, there was a nip by his toe, followed by a flurry of   
movements, and a long and scaly object flicking against his ankle.   
Slowly, he looked at his foot and a pair of beady eyes stared back at   
him.   
  
"Haha-ue!!!" screamed the boy and cried out loud. "Nezumi,   
haha-ue!!!" shrieked the boy and tried to crawl away. The rat gave a   
few squeaks only to prompt more fear in the boy. The rat stood up on   
its hind legs, its whiskers twitching and sharp canines appeared in   
its mouth. Aoshi took a deep breath and began edging away inch by   
inch, his legs threatening to buckle beneath him. The rat squeaked   
again and scurried off, leaving the poor boy alone.   
  
Aoshi heaved a soft sigh of relief and steadied his shaking   
legs, preparing to go back to sleep.   
  
Suddenly, something grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and   
lifted him up.   
  
Aoshi screamed again and began crying. *Haha-ue had said that   
there were vampires and ghosts in the dark...* Softly, that *thing*   
whispered in his ear, "Little boy, don't ever scream like that at   
night or those evil demons will come and get you..."   
  
With his legs kicking at nothing, Aoshi let out a high pitched   
scream and struggled, his fingers clawing at the intruder's sleeve.   
"Wah... Haha-ue... Nezumi desu... Tamashii desu..."   
  
"Now the rat is gone. Sit down and sleep. We need to get to   
Kyoto fast..." sighed the man in a softer tone and set Aoshi down.   
The boy scurried to a corner and sat down, his blue-gray eyes staring   
curiously. "...and don't ever scream like that again."   
  
With frightened tears running down freely, Aoshi buried his   
head into the sleeves of his dirty yukata top and sniffled. The man   
heaved a sigh and walked towards him. *Children... I hate   
children...* Kneeling on one knee, the man reached out a hand and   
stroked the boy's tousled dark hair. "Now, don't cry anymore. Get   
some sleep and we'll get to Kyoto as soon as possible to meet   
Okashira."   
  
Aoshi peered up, his eyes red and swollen from crying. "Who are   
you?" asked the boy weakly, his voice trembling from fear. "Are you   
going to kill me?"   
  
The man smirked and laughed. "Matsudaira Aoshi, who do you   
think I am? An assassin? You wouldn't be talking to me right now if I   
were employed to see that you vanish forever from the face of this   
world."   
  
"Who are you?" repeated Aoshi slowly, his fists all balled up   
until his knuckles turned a ghostly shade of white. "How do you know   
my name?"   
  
"I'm Okina, a loyal member of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu,"   
whispered the man into the boy's ear, pretending not to know anything   
about the Matsudaira disaster. *Now... I have to make him trust me in   
order to get him to Kyoto... C'mon, Okina. You are an expert in   
spying and don't tell me that you can't successfully lie to a six   
year old boy,* hissed a voice in his mind.   
  
*Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu*.   
  
That very phrase instantly rang a bell in Aoshi's mind.   
"Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu..." mumbled the boy softly and his clear eyes   
instantly looked up at the man. Quickly, his fingers closed around   
Okina's uniform. "You are from the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu? Really?"   
  
Okina nodded solemnly and flashed a lopsided smile. "Why? Is   
there anything? I just happened to pass by," he lied to the boy and   
watched his reaction. *Yeah, yeah, I know I'm late. Don't remind me   
of that.*   
  
"Kami-sama..." mumbled the boy and sprawled forward, landing on   
all fours. His little fingers closed around the leg of Okina's   
trousers and gripped tightly, tears brimming in his eyes once again.   
"Please... Haha-ue asked me to find the Onimitsu Oniwabanshuu to help   
me..." wept the boy and tugged.   
  
"What happened?" asked Okina, interested to hear the other side   
of the story.   
  
"I don't know... Haha-ue just woke me up and forced me to hide   
inside that well... When I managed to climb out from the well, haha-  
ue and mouto-chan were already dead..." sobbed the boy endlessly.   
  
"Do you know who attacked your haha-ue?"   
  
"I could only see his eyes and hear his voice..."   
  
"Never mind... I'm sure Okashira can help me... Now, don't   
cry... I'm scared of people crying like that," reassured Okina and   
patted the young boy softly on his head.   
  
*Who is this boy's father anyway?*  
  
*Why did Okashira ask me to come all the way to this place just   
to protect them?*   
  
*What have they done to meet with a full onslaught from their   
enemies?*   
  
"Will you get me to the Oniwabanshuu?" asked the boy   
frantically again and clawed at the sides of his arms.   
  
Okina sighed again and gently pried the boy away from his arms.   
*I hate answering questions.* Turning his focus onto Aoshi once   
again, he promised, "I'll make sure you get to Kyoto safe and sound."   
  
"Promise?"   
  
"Promise."   
  
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*You shouldn't bring the boy along. You don't know whether he   
is actually Matsudaira Ieshige's youngest son or not! He might be a   
fake!* whispered a voice softly in his mind. Okina's eyebrows met in   
a slight frown. It had been one full week since he had found the   
unconscious boy in that abandoned temple.   
  
He sighed again for the tenth time that hour. Aoshi was   
sound asleep beside him and there was no-one around in this little   
wooden shack. Not that he had no money to buy them a night's stay in   
a local inn, but he didn't want to arouse suspicion from anyone.   
  
He studied the young face which was twisted in an agonized way.   
*So young, so pitiful...* Reaching behind him, Okina removed a pair   
of wooden weapons and began polishing them with one end of his sash.   
Staring ahead, he swung his tonfa at an imaginary enemy and   
snickered.   
  
"Haha-ue!" a sharp scream pierced the air followed by severe   
thrashing and Okina winced inevitably. Slowly, the screaming subsided   
and tears began slipping down the boy's cheeks.   
  
Gently, Okina took the end of his sash and brushed away Aoshi's   
tears. Leaning back against a wooden wall, he fiddled with his tonfa   
and closed his eyes slowly. *Just one more day to Kyoto... What   
should I tell Okashira? I have failed in this mission...*   
  
Going to Edo had been a tough decision on him. A very tough   
one for he had buried too many of his secrets, too much of his past   
behind him. Okina reached out his fingers before his eyes and began   
counting. "Twenty years... It has been twenty years since..."   
whispered Okina aloud and paused for a while as bitterness washed   
over his heart.   
  
Slowly, he continued, "If Ichiro-chan was still alive today, he   
would be four times older than this boy... Why did he have to die so   
early? Kami-sama is so unfair to me..." He inhaled deeply and snapped   
open his eyes. "Aoshi looks a lot like him... No, he acts like him."   
  
*Maybe I have committed too many sins in this life to receive   
such a fate with my only son dead.*   
  
Okina refocused his attention on the boy.   
  
"Little boy, I like you at first sight. I'll make sure that you   
get an audience with Okashira."   
  
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Copyright reserved 1999, 2000 W. Siew Lee   
  
All standard Rurouni Kenshin disclaimers apply to this fanfic.   
  
E-mail: Siew Lee [wsiewle@tm.net.my]   
URL: http://www.rurouni.org/dreams/  
UIN: #14025577   
  
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	2. Default Chapter Title

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Dreams in the Dark   
  
Part 1 : Embracing the Sword (Chapter 2)  
  
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The morning market was very busy and noisy. Aoshi tilted his   
head up, only to see a flock of birds flying past in a large and   
clamorous group. He adverted his attention to the people walking past   
him. Women, men and children - there were an uncountable number of   
figures going about their chores and duties.   
  
Never in his life he had seen such an enormous crowd. Aoshi   
sighed wistfully. He was only allowed to be outside those forbidding   
walls of the Matsudaira mansion during the festive season.   
  
Aoshi drifted along with the crowd, trying to keep Okina's slim   
frame within his sight. Idly, he too gazed at the merchandise on sale   
under those colorfully painted umbrellas. As he walked past a stall   
selling porcelain ware, a brightly colored china figurine dressed in   
a cherry pink kimono caught his attention. Too engrossed with the   
porcelain doll, Aoshi squeezed in through the horde of people and he   
walked closer to the roadside stall, his eyes fixing their curious   
stare on it. *Looks like one of haha-ue's kimonos...* Aoshi reached   
out a shaking finger to touch its face gently, relishing the cool   
touch.   
  
"Aoshi, stop dreaming," snapped a voice above his head and   
Aoshi turned to look at Okina's weather beaten face. "C'mon, boy.   
I'll get some new clothes for you before meeting Okashira. Won't want   
you to go in these rags, right?"   
  
Aoshi simply nodded and followed the man's footsteps. He had   
never been to such morning markets. Haha-ue never wanted him go out   
by himself. Aoshi forcefully repressed the welling sorrow in the pit   
of his gut.   
  
Okina had told him a lot of things that day which made his   
young mind think.   
  
A true man mustn't shed tears.   
  
A true man only shed blood.   
  
A true man also didn't show his innermost feelings.   
  
Suddenly, Aoshi felt so lowly and self-conscious. Had he   
disgraced his family with his tears? Had he thrown his honor away   
like that? Haha-ue had always told him to live with honor.   
  
Honor, honor, honor.   
  
To the little boy, there was no honor involved in begging Okina   
to take him to the Oniwabanshuu, but his mother had asked him to take   
revenge. Why revenge? Aoshi shook his head slowly and fidgeted with   
his fingers.   
  
Revenge was such a powerful word; a word which contained so   
much hatred and agony. He felt imprisoned, locked away in a world of   
anger and misery. Practically everyone he knew was dead, murdered in   
a cruel fashion.   
  
He had done almost nothing but cry, cry, and cry.   
  
The poor boy wrapped his fragile arms around his body, as   
though he was battered by chilly drafts. He was so ashamed of   
himself, for he had done nothing to keep up his family name.   
  
*Maybe it would have been better for me to die along with   
them...*   
  
Haha-ue had always told him to endure and be patient while at   
home and taking revenge for anything was totally out of question. A   
string of names streamed out in his mind... Yorihisa, Kanemori,   
Sanetoki, Kasuga and Yoshi... All of his three half brothers and two   
half sisters were killed. He should feel traumatized as his family   
members were dead, but Aoshi could feel a little twinge of relief.   
  
Why?   
  
While trying to catch up to Okina, memories of his life in the   
house of Matsudaira began flashing back endlessly. The hurt and   
demoralization he suffered at the merciless hands of his step-family   
all because of the fact that he was the son of a second wife, son of   
a secondary consort to his powerful father.   
  
Son of a lowly concubine. Son of an ex-entertainer.   
  
True, chichi-ue was rich and powerful, but no-one outside the   
forbidden walls of his home ever knew the naked truth.   
  
Living there was worse than suffering in the eighteenth floor   
of hell. Why was he given second-class treatment? He also carried the   
Matsudaira name!   
  
The life there was... mechanical. It is almost plausible to   
believe that everything had been arranged for him up to the point of   
his bedtime.   
  
Physical and mental torture were another situation which he was   
forced to endure.   
  
In everyone's presence and in the face of honored guests, he   
was forced to call that old hag of chichi-ue's 'haha-ue' and the   
smirks he received from her had carved a deep wound in his heart.   
Aoshi sniffed a little as tears threatened to fall from his eyes.   
Reminiscences of his mother crying silently in that room he shared   
with her still haunted him.   
  
Haha-ue absolutely dreaded the arrival of that petite servant-  
girl who carried that old hag's *invitation* for dinner. Aoshi   
clenched his fist and sucked in his breath deeply. As a child, he   
wasn't allowed to eat with haha-ue on the adults' table. Instead, he   
had to eat with other children and they would bully him by taking   
away all his food.   
  
To Aoshi, going to bed with an empty stomach was nothing.   
Seeing his mother with welts and bruises all over her body and face   
was something else. That old woman would ask a servant to send him   
back to the room which he and his mother shared and haha-ue would   
remain under her mercy until midnight. Every time she came back,   
there would be some sort of injury on her torso and Aoshi could only   
watch her suffer in silence. He did shed tears for her, but he would   
never let haha-ue see his tears for it wouldn't lessen her pain.   
  
For many times a season, haha-ue would just sit there with all   
her finery and makeup, shedding bitter tears for hours. He would just   
sit there, watching the rivulets of saltwater running down her cheeks   
and wetting the collar of her pink kimono. Her face was powdered a   
ghastly white by pounded rice flour, giving her a ghostly appearance.   
The only bit of color was at her delicately painted lips and her eyes   
were dimmed, as if she had lost hope in life.   
  
Her expression was almost ghostly to him and the rice flour   
made it worse. His mother had became another person to him.   
  
A stranger.   
  
No, he would never want to see another woman wearing makeup.   
Never in his life he would want to see a woman holding a box of   
oshiroi.   
  
He felt so disgusted himself to see a woman's face painted with   
unnatural substances. It made him sick; so sick that he wanted to   
throw up.   
  
There was once when haha-ue told him that living with honor was   
the greatest thing to any respectable warrior.   
  
He must live with honor.   
  
When haha-ue said that, she sounded so remorseful and bitter,   
and he could only nod in muted response. He could never understand   
those tears shed by a woman. Maybe he was already numb from all that   
crying and weeping. He wept because of the fear which ravaged his   
waking hours, but haha-ue's tears were shed out of so many different   
factors combined together.   
  
Maybe they were shed for a little bastard son of a daimyo.   
  
Suddenly, he hated himself for being so weak. He hated himself   
for being so powerless to do anything.   
  
Matsudaira Aoshi was one useless being on the face of this   
world.   
  
Chichi-ue had never talked to him of his own free will.   
Matsudaira Aoshi was just a name entitled to him, but his father   
never treated him like his other children, not to mention the fact   
that he was never home throughout the entire year. As a young child,   
he would stand by the side of the living room with haha-ue, watching   
his half siblings laugh and rejoiced at those gifts his father   
brought back from his trips to Kyoto. Somehow, he never received   
anything from chichi-ue.   
  
Maybe he was just a forgotten child.   
  
Chichi-ue was just a distant figure to the boy, one that he   
looked up to with pride from afar. He never quite plucked up enough   
courage to speak to him, or at least greet him. After all, he was   
just a forgotten child.   
  
That old hag he was forced to call haha-ue in front of everyone   
else was one cruel woman, but the word 'family' was not within his   
grasp anymore. At least he had a family and a home then.   
  
There was no 'family' nor 'home' for him to return to now.   
  
He was alone in this wide world without any friend or relative.   
  
Tears brimmed in his eyes again and he had to bite his lower   
lip to keep his emotions under control. "No, Matsudaira Aoshi. You   
mustn't disgrace haha-ue like that. You mustn't disgrace your family   
name with tears. I mustn't cry!" whispered Aoshi sternly and clutched   
the hem of his yukata tightly with his small fingers. "Haha-ue told   
me to live with honor and behave like a pure man. Okina also said   
so."   
  
"Hoi, Aoshi. Are you coming with me or not? If not, I'll leave   
you here!" shouted a voice and Aoshi looked up in shock. He nodded   
subtly and began walking towards Okina again.   
  
"Aoshi, we need to be quick if you want to meet Okashira. He   
will be expecting us today," sighed Okina in a softer tone and   
kneeled down on one knee as his right hand reached up to caress the   
boy's silky hair, sympathy overwhelming him. "Now wipe your tears   
dry. I hate to see boys crying."   
  
"Okina, I promise I won't cry again..." voiced out the boy, his   
lower lip trembling from emotion. He took a deep breath and looked   
into Okina's eyes intently. "Okina, is it true that a warrior must   
have honor?" asked Aoshi in a squeaky voice, soft and trembling. He   
cringed at the tone of his own voice, disgusted at his own fear.   
  
Okina flashed him a curious look but sighed softly when the boy   
pressed on. "My boy, every single being must have honor, or that   
person will cease to live in this world. Simply, honor gives us a   
target and a cause to continue living. It's better to die than to   
live without honor."   
  
"I don't understand."   
  
"It is also better to live with honor than to die without   
honor."   
  
"I... I still don't understand," blurted out Aoshi.   
  
"You will, when you have to choose between honor or death.   
You'll see things clearly, one day."   
  
Aoshi nodded slightly and watched Okina get up onto his feet   
again. "Alright, boy. Let's get going," smiled Okina and heaved the   
boy up, carrying him. "If we walk at this pace, we won't get to the   
clothes shop in time. I don't want someone dressed so shabbily   
turning up in the Aoiya."   
  
Aoshi nodded again and smiled. Okina gave a slight nod and   
lifted him up and carried him in his arms. Aoshi looked back at the   
path he had walked through with an optimistic grin.   
  
*Haha-ue, I'll live with honor and die with honor.*   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Aoshi, you wait here while I call for someone," ordered Okina   
and placed the boy down on a short wooden stand in front of a   
shop house. Aoshi looked up at the name plaque on the front of the   
building and read out the two kanji based on the small hiragana   
below. "Ao... i... ya..." mumbled Aoshi softly. "Ryo... ri..."   
whispered Aoshi also and shot the closed front of the shop a look.   
"Okina, why is the restaurant closed?" asked the boy innocently, his   
arms clutching a paper-wrapped package preciously against his chest.   
  
"Aoshi, I told you to wait, not ask stupid questions," replied   
Okina hastily and rolled his eyes. "Gouji!" shouted Okina and tapped   
his foot impatiently on the wooden floor planks beneath him. "Gouji,   
it's me!"   
  
"Huh, Okina?" answered a squeaky voice and a pair of beady   
eyes peeked out from a small panel at the entrance. Aoshi squinted   
and managed to make out a faint outline of an enormous body through   
the narrow opening. "Who is he?" asked the man and gestured at Aoshi   
with his pudgy chin.   
  
"I'll tell you when you let us in," sighed Okina and took Aoshi   
by his hand. The oversized man nodded slightly and moved aside   
clumsily as he removed a plank, opening a narrow gap for them to walk   
in.   
  
Squeezing through the planks, Okina walked sideways and eased   
himself into the interior of building before leading Aoshi's small   
body through the same opening. Clumsily, Gouji placed the plank back   
into its original position with a soft thud.   
  
Aoshi's eyes widened at the sight of the dimly lit space before   
him. Low lying tables were arranged orderly together with neatly   
placed sitting mats. Small bouquets of tiny purplish flowers adorned   
each corner of the big room. "Aoshi, I said stop dreaming," ordered   
Okina sternly and slapped Aoshi gently on the head. Aoshi looked up   
at him with thoughtful eyes. Seeing the boy's facial expression,   
Okina couldn't bring himself to reprimand him anymore. He sighed and   
turned to Gouji, "Where's Okashira?"   
  
"Okashira went out for some meeting in the shogun's castle. He   
will be back by night time. Who is this boy?" asked Gouji in return   
and gave the young boy a long hard stare.   
  
"None of your business," answered Okina simply and walked   
towards the staircase hidden behind an elaborate screen painting.   
  
"Your illegitimate son, ne?"   
  
Okina stopped in his tracks. "Gouji, don't make me tear out   
your mouth," snapped the man and gave the pudgy man a warning look.   
The large man shrunk down and flashed a toothy grin.   
  
"Okay, okay, Okina. You know I'm just joking!" apologized Gouji   
with a sheepish smile and scratched his head.   
  
"C'mon, Aoshi. I have things to tell you," said Okina and led   
Aoshi up the stairs. Okina finished the entire flight of stairs and   
dragged a sliding door open, revealing a tranquil setting within it.   
"Get into the room," said Okina and slid the door shut after leading   
Aoshi and himself into it.   
  
"Okina, do you live here?" asked Aoshi eagerly and fingered a   
paper origami crane gently. "Okina, do you like swords?" asked the   
boy again as the two swords displayed on a wooden stand caught his   
eye.   
  
"Don't ask so many questions," growled Okina softly and sat   
down before placing his tonfa carefully on the table.   
  
"Go... Gomen nasai," apologized Aoshi and sat down quietly.   
  
Silence. Five minutes passed without a single sound from the   
duo except for their soft and even breathing.   
  
"Aoshi, do you want to stay here?" asked Okina gruffly and   
shot the boy an expectant look. "Your entire family is already dead,   
by the way, and you have no place to go."   
  
"I... I don't know," whispered the boy softly and pinned his   
eyes on his fidgeting fingers.   
  
"Yes, or no."   
  
"Y... Yes," whispered Aoshi again and bit his lower lip. "Haha-  
ue is not here anymore, but I believe she is living happily high   
above me in a place where she will never cry ever again."   
  
"Why do you think so?"   
  
"Be... Because haha-ue is my haha-ue. She is the only one who   
never shouted at me and shoved me," answered Aoshi in a choked voice,   
desperately battling with his tears, his promise about not crying   
again momentarily forgotten.   
  
"That means whoever that shouted at you deserves to go down   
below after their death? Including me? Do you think I deserve to go   
straight to the eighteenth floor of hell?" questioned Okina, raising   
his left eyebrow in a gesture of suspicion. *Kami-sama... Did this   
boy go through hell? He is only six, but considering the fact he   
belongs to the Matsudaira clan, he should have better control of his   
public expressions...*  
  
Aoshi looked up in shock. "No... No... I don't mean it to be   
this way..."   
  
"Then?" asked Okina in a near whisper, his gaze growing hard   
and stern. *That boy... I need to toughen him up when I have time.*   
  
"I... I mean... I mean all my family members are cold to me and   
only haha-ue protects me all along... No-one ever speaks up for me."   
  
Okina heaved a small sigh. "Alright, boy. Now, go wash your   
face and get cleaned up. The furo is next door," urged Okina, still   
seated in his meditating position. "I'll take you to the Okashira   
when he comes back."   
  
"Thank you, Okina," whispered the boy softly before getting up   
slowly.   
  
"Wait, Aoshi. When Okashira questions you, don't answer   
anything. You just keep quiet and I'll do the talking."   
  
Aoshi nodded solemnly and walked out of the room before   
dragging the sliding door back into its original position.   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A pair of gray-blue eyes stared into a pool of clear water. The   
face in water was dirty and smudged, and it looked back at him like   
some savage animal. Aoshi looked at his reflection in the wooden   
basin; he wasn't the youngest master of the Matsudaira household   
anymore. He was only... Aoshi.   
  
He sat down on the wooden stool beside the built in wooden   
bathtub, his trembling hands clutching the rim of the small   
washbasin. His slight hand movements created some mild ripples across   
the calm surface and his image slowly distorted.   
  
Aoshi looked into it thoughtfully. Softly, he repeated a phrase   
that he had heard for countless times throughout his childhood:   
'There was only one way out for a true man who brought shame to his   
family name - death.'   
  
Death was such a strong punishment.   
  
Playfully, Aoshi began to toy with the idea of life after   
death. He visualize gigantic onis and total darkness where even those   
who were blessed with perfect eyesight were rendered blind. What lay   
in path for a soul after death? Emptiness; or a nirvana? Aoshi gazed   
into his reflection. Haha-ue wanted him to seek revenge for the   
Matsudaira clan, but why? His eyebrows furrowed together as he   
desperately tried to remember one of those numerous bushi lessons he   
was forced to take since he was a toddler.   
  
*Never seek vengeance for the sake of honor.*   
  
"For the sake of what? Honor? No... I don't understand..."   
whispered Aoshi and squeezed his eyes shut. "Why? If vengeance is not   
honorable, why did haha-ue leave me with such words? Why?"   
  
Another thought flashed past his sub-conscious.   
  
The letter. Haha-ue's letter.   
  
Aoshi placed a damp hand on his covered chest. The cold water   
soaked through easily straight to this naked skin. A deep sinking   
feeling formed in the pit of his stomach. "Haha-ue's letter..." Aoshi   
grabbed the neck opening of his yukata and ripped the two sides open,   
exposing his bare chest. Quickly, he slipped out of the thin cotton   
fabric and flipped it a few times.   
  
Nothing.   
  
There was nothing.   
  
The blood-written letter was gone!   
  
Aoshi sat back on the stool, dazed. "Haha-ue's letter... It's   
gone..."   
  
With trembling hands, he stood up and opened the sliding door.   
Treading noiselessly on the wooden floor planks, he dragged the   
sliding door of Okina's room slowly. His eyes rested on a still   
figure sitting in the middle of room.   
  
Okina was still there.   
  
"Aoshi, stop acting like some thief!" boomed a voice suddenly   
and Aoshi was caught by surprise. In lightning speed, Okina was   
already standing in front of him. "What do you want?"   
  
"I... I..." started Aoshi in a small voice.   
  
"Listen here, boy. If you are going to speak that softly, I   
suggest you talk to yourself. My hearing ability is not that good   
anymore," continued Okina, growing slightly impatient.   
  
"O... Okina... Haha-ue's letter is gone!" stumbled Aoshi, his   
eyes downcast. "I... I don't know where it is..."   
  
"So? What difference will it make?" asked Okina in a softer   
tone. "Even if you had the letter, you wouldn't be able to do   
anything."   
  
"I... I know... B... But..."   
  
"Alright, don't think about that letter anymore. Just wash   
yourself and we'll go for lunch afterwards," sighed Okina, feeling a   
mixture of sympathy and amusement for the boy.   
  
Aoshi nodded a little and turned around, tears threatening to   
roll down from his eyes. Okina shook his head and retreated to the   
realms of silence in the tiny room with his left hand over his chest,   
feeling the silky texture of the blood-stained letter against his   
bare skin.   
  
*Gomen ne, Aoshi... You are too young for this... I'll give you   
your mother's letter when you are old enough to understand how this   
feudal system works.*   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A single hoot of a lonely owl echoed through the dark night.   
There was no moon in the bluish-black sky thus throwing a blanket   
over the lands. A pair of low voices spoke softly in the background   
of a dimly lit meeting chamber. A darkened shadow of a small figure   
stood outside the small building, occasionally moving in a brisk   
walk.   
  
"Where's the boy?" hissed a raspy voice.   
  
"He is standing outside, Okashira," answered the other voice.   
"Do you want to see him?"   
  
"Bring him in here," answered the first voice.   
  
The door slid open with a soft creak and a familiar figure   
stepped out of the chamber. With a gentle hand signal, he gestured   
for the boy to follow him.   
  
"Okina, does the Okashira want to meet me?" asked the smaller   
figure in a squeaky voice.   
  
"Yes, he does. Remember what I told your before lunch? Keep   
quiet and don't speak unless I tell you to," whispered Okina and took   
the boy by his right hand. Aoshi nodded demurely and followed the man   
into the dim chamber.   
  
Then, the sliding door was pushed shut with a soft thud.   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
He walked into the room slowly, treading across the tatami-  
padded floor planks carefully. His wide eyes blinked innocently as he   
scrutinized the relatively small chamber, taking note of the elegant   
decor.   
  
Before long, both of his eyes rested on an old man sitting on   
a large wooden couch at one end of the room. Aoshi narrowed his eyes   
and focused his sight on the seated figure.   
  
"Greet the Okashira!" whispered Okina fiercely and nudged him   
softly on his head.   
  
"Ko... Konbanwa..." stumbled Aoshi and shifted uneasily. He   
shot a worried look at Okina but the man simply gestured him a sign   
of assurance with a slight nod of his head. Aoshi forced his focus   
away from Okina and tried to look directly in the Okashira's   
direction.   
  
"Hai..." replied a soft and slithery voice. Aoshi could swear   
that it was from the Okashira but he didn't see his lips move. The   
young boy studied the old man in detail. *Very old... A lot older   
than father... Must be very tall and thin too...* noted the boy. The   
old man had a long and white wispy beard and his hair was tied up on   
top of his head in a short ponytail. His face was wrinkled and his   
complexion was a ghastly pale shade, almost like he was wearing face   
powder which greatly accentuated his cheekbones. The old man's eyes   
glinted dangerously in the flickering candle light, making Aoshi feel   
insecure.   
  
That pair of eyes gave Aoshi the feeling that the old man could   
read his thoughts and feelings.   
  
Line by line.   
  
Aoshi pushed off an imaginary chill down his spine and braced   
himself, forcing eye contact with the Okashira.   
  
"What's your name and where do you come from?"   
  
"I... I..." began Aoshi and his mind went temporarily blank   
from fear and excitement.   
  
"Answer properly, Aoshi," growled Okina under his breath and   
looked daggers at the poor boy.   
  
"I'm Aoshi from the Edo branch of the Matsudaira clan..."   
blurted out Aoshi at last and he secretly heaved a small sigh of   
relief. The Okashira looked at him from head to toe, making Aoshi   
very self-conscious.   
  
"How old are you?" asked the old man again. This time, he   
rapped his long and thin fingers on the wooden armrest of his   
elevated seat, making a hollow sound in the silent chamber.   
  
"Five... Turning six in two week's time..." choked out Aoshi in   
a soft whisper. That very question brought back bittersweet memories   
of his formal life in Edo. His birthday... was the only time in the   
entire year which his father would speak to him like father and son.   
That was also the only time which haha-ue would be in high spirits,   
bustling around cooking his favorite dishes.   
  
Aoshi held back tears bravely and bit his lower lip. That was   
his past. He had to face the reality now. He swallowed painfully and   
looked again into the Okashira's face. *I'm a true man. I shed blood,   
not tears.*   
  
"Yes, just the right age..." mumbled the Okashira   
absentmindedly. Slowly, the old man stood up and walked towards the   
boy. "Okina, you can retreat now," commanded the tall and thin man as   
he waved a bony hand at the younger man.   
  
Okina bowed slightly and stepped back a few steps. Aoshi turned   
to gaze at him but Okina simply flashed him an assuring smile that he   
would be perfectly alright during his absence. Aoshi had felt exactly   
the opposite.   
  
The Okashira's sly smile scared him, but he refused to let it   
show. Mustering all his strength, Aoshi stood up straight and took a   
deep breath.   
  
The soft sound of the sliding door closing was the only audible   
noise through the night. There were only him and the Okashira in the   
chamber. *Should I tell the Okashira about haha-ue and the Watanabe   
incident?* pondered Aoshi silently and closed his eyes momentarily.   
  
Suddenly, there were soft and itchy sensations along the back   
of his neck, there were was something there, trailing across his   
delicate skin. Just as Aoshi was about to lift a hand to flick away   
the foreign touch, a voice whispered in his ear, "Don't move."   
  
Aoshi stiffened in fear, not daring to breathe. He recognized   
that voice, it was the old Okashira.   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Copyright reserved 1999, 2000 W. Siew Lee   
  
All standard Rurouni Kenshin disclaimers apply to this fanfic.  
  
E-mail: Siew Lee [wsiewlee@tm.net.my]   
URL: http://www.rurouni.org/dreams/   
UIN: #14025577   
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	3. Default Chapter Title

---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Dreams in the Dark   
  
Part 1 : Embracing the Sword (Chapter 3)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
He swallowed nervously and cringed a little when a soft gust of   
the Okashira's shallow breathing grazed across his cheek.   
  
"Are you afraid of me?" the Okashira whispered and slid a hand   
down the boy's chest, feeling his fear through the coarse cloth.   
Aoshi edged away instinctively, his eyes blinking with a startled   
look. He peeked fearfully into the old man's eyes, but he was unable   
to strongly identify the Okashira's thoughts.   
  
"Answer me, boy," the Okashira pressed and moved closer to   
Aoshi until his thin lips were almost touching the boy's right cheek.   
Stretching out his left hand, he ran his bony fingers through the   
boy's silky hair, making Aoshi's pulse race. The boy shrank back in   
an involuntary reflex, earning himself a sharp look from the old man.   
  
"N... No..." Aoshi lied and gritted his teeth, his limbs   
growing wobbly and weak from shock and fear he experienced. He   
shifted uncomfortably and swallowed; the old Okashira was caressing   
him on his side with a feather-like touch while his warm breath   
grazed the boy's delicate skin. Aoshi didn't struggle at all, his   
body already numb, unresponsive to his silent plea to move away from   
those seeking hands. He sucked in the cool night air and held his   
breath, trying to hide the alarm which was growing rapidly in him.   
  
"You are lying! Didn't your haha-ue taught you your moral   
values?" the Okashira hissed, making the young boy shudder in fear.   
He suddenly grabbed the young boy by his shoulders and looked at him   
straight in the eyes, causing Aoshi to avoid his glare immediately.   
"I have lived in this world for more than sixty years and I can read   
your fears."   
  
"Yes..." Aoshi stumbled and looked away, not wanting to make   
contact with those mysterious pools of dark blue in the Okashira's   
eyes.   
  
"If you want to be a successful swordsman, you must conquer   
your fear. What is your fear?" the old man smiled, stepping back a   
step, his eyes remaining at the same level as Aoshi's. With those   
piercing eyes, Aoshi felt very uncomfortable as the old man studied   
him from head to toe, as if he was seeing every single detail of him.   
  
Aoshi blinked a few times and his lower lip quivered slightly,   
showing his uncertainty. His eyebrows met in a frown, trying to   
understand the question which was posed to him. He peeked up slowly,   
only to see those mysterious eyes looking at him intently, waiting   
for his answer.   
  
"I'm scared of blood and rats..." Aoshi replied doubtfully,   
trying to maintain eye contact with the Okashira without fear. He   
shifted uneasily as a hand sneaked up to stroke his chest in circular   
motions. The sensations were not unpleasant, but in fact, it was   
rather relaxing under the old man's expert touch. Aoshi shifted   
again, his heart beating faster and faster.   
  
"Foolish answer! That is a phobia. You can overcome it easily!   
Tell me your greatest fear," the old man spat and cuffed his sleeves,   
the fabric making a rustling sound when he flapped them. "Try again."   
  
"The fear of not knowing..." Aoshi whispered softly, his hands   
clenching into tight balls, his knuckles turning a pale shade under   
the yellowish dim light from the lamps placed strategically.   
  
"Yes," the Okashira nodded and flashed Aoshi a small smile.   
The young boy swallowed and blinked once. "You learn quickly, ne?" As   
he said that, the Okashira moved closer to the boy until their faces   
were only inches apart. Slowly, the old man waved a finger under his   
nose. "Do you like this scent?" the Okashira asked and smiled slyly.   
The young boy took a cautious sniff and breathed in a tingling aroma.   
Slowly, he felt those knotted muscles in his stomach relaxed   
themselves and his mind was already in a blissful daze.   
  
"It's sandalwood, specially imported from China," the old man   
whispered and drew his lips closer to the boy's until they were   
nearly touching. Aoshi tried to maintain his consciousness but the   
harder he tried, the harder it was to stay alert.   
  
"Okashira..." Aoshi began slowly and paused for a while. *Haha-  
ue told me to get help from him... He shouldn't be a bad person   
right?* a small voice whispered deep down in his heart, trying to   
convince himself that those perceptions he received were actually a   
case of hyper-sensitivity. Slowly but steadily, Aoshi pushed his fear   
back into a deep corner of his conscious mind.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Do you know what happened to the Matsudaira family?"   
Aoshi questioned in turn, his blue-gray eyes looking intently into   
the Okashira's dark blue ones. "My... My family?"   
  
"Yes, I do."   
  
"Would you help me to find the murderer?"   
  
Suddenly, the Okashira stood up and began walking back towards   
his elevated seat. Aoshi gazed at his retreating form in surprise and   
alarm. With beads of cold sweat rolling down his forehead, Aoshi   
asked with a timid voice, "Did I say something wrong?"   
  
The old man stopped in his tracks and turned his head sideways   
to look at Aoshi through the corner of his eye. "No, you didn't. Your   
question is perfectly understandable, excepting the fact that it's a   
nonsensical thought from your head," the Okashira breathed out as he   
heaved a small sigh. He shook his head and resumed his even pacing.   
  
The Okashira sat down gingerly on his seat and gazed at Aoshi   
deeply. "You can't take revenge..." the old man stated firmly and   
stroked his wispy beard. "The Oniwabanshuu can't take revenge for you   
because we have honor."   
  
Those words hit Aoshi like a brick wall and knocked the air out   
of him. He blinked a few times in shock. "Why? They murdered my   
family! They murdered my mother!" Aoshi whimpered helplessly,   
momentarily losing control of his own emotions. All that he had been   
striving for had been lost just because that old man said he was not   
allowed to!   
  
"You will understand when you are older..." the Okashira   
replied simply and closed his eyes, getting ready for a long round of   
meditation. "Young man, you have to find inner peace before anyone   
can help you. Understand yourself and you will see through this world   
more clearly than before. Take my advice."   
  
"But..."   
  
"You can go now. Okina's waiting outside," interrupted the old   
man and waved slightly, gesturing Aoshi to go out.   
  
"Please advise me! Will the Oniwabanshuu help me in other   
ways?"   
  
The Okashira opened his eyes slowly and gazed at Aoshi deeply.   
"You will face the four levels in our qualifying test which an   
outsider has to go through to prove your worthiness to us. Let me   
remind you, the test is difficult one, even for an adult. It's your   
choice whether to take up this challenge or not," the old man   
whispered in a near-inaudible tone. "Remember, you can take control   
of your own life. You know what you want in the first place. Make   
your own decision and tell me. Now go and have a good night's rest.   
I'll give you two years to prepare before I start the first level."   
  
"What test? What four levels?"   
  
"For the meantime, you are still not a member of the   
Oniwabanshuu. Ask Okina and he will explain everything to you. Now   
go."   
  
Aoshi was still befuddled with the Okashira's words but seeing   
the old man's serene expression, he decided against asking for more   
details. *Besides, I can always ask Okina, right?* Aoshi whispered   
softly in his heart.   
  
Giving a little bow, Aoshi treaded backwards before finally   
turning around to exit the small chamber. Carefully, determined not   
to make any abrupt noise, Aoshi pulled the sliding door aside and   
stepped out. Slowly, the door slid shut again with a soft thud.   
  
The Okashira stared at the door for a long time through half-  
closed eyelids, his mind racing through Aoshi's expressions and   
determination. It had been a long, long time since he had last seen   
that type of light in a person's eyes.   
  
So wild, so enthusiastic, so full of energy and will power.   
  
Aoshi reminded him of someone.   
  
The boy reminded him of himself.   
  
The old man let out a soft chuckle and leaned against a few   
cushions placed behind him.   
  
*He will be the Okashira of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu in the   
future. I can feel it. My own son is not worthy enough.*   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"How is it?" a familiar voice asked. A hand rested on his left   
shoulder as Aoshi looked down at his feet. Slowly, he shook his head   
and sighed.   
  
"Okina, what are the four levels in the qualifying test?" the   
young boy asked, the Okashira's words still repeating themselves in   
his mind endlessly. "He told me to ask you..." Aoshi gazed at Okina   
intently and waited for him to answer his question.   
  
"Four levels? Yes... The test..." Okina mumbled absentmindedly   
and released his gentle hold on Aoshi's shoulder blades. Aoshi took   
Okina's hand and looked up at him, his eyes silently pleading for any   
form of enlightenment from the older man.   
  
"What is it about?" Aoshi pressed again, his small hand   
tightening its grip on Okina's.   
  
"Aoshi, you must understand that you are not a member of the   
Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu yet; but there is hope, for Okashira has told   
you about this trial. Before you can actually learn our secret   
techniques, you must be initiated into the shogun's service," Okina   
smiled wryly, his thin lips curving slightly upwards.   
  
The boy scratched his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Why?"   
he asked.   
  
"To show us that you are worthy to be one of us," Okina replied   
simply and began walking through the secluded garden path. "To enter   
the Onmitsu Oniwanbanshuu clan, one of your parents must be an Oniwan   
member or else you have to prove yourself worthy to be adopted into   
our clan."   
  
"I'm worthy enough. I'm a Matsudaira."   
  
"So what if you are a Matsudaira? The Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu   
accepts its members based on their capabilities, not by their social   
status. Worthy enough? No, you are not. At least, not yet," Okina   
breathed out slowly. Deep in his heart, he knew that Aoshi stood no   
chance in the four tests. How could a boy outshine his peers by   
crying everyday and thinking of his dearest haha-ue? *He's too weak   
physically, too fragile emotionally,* Okina sighed dejectedly. Aoshi   
was standing in a no-win situation.   
  
"Okashira gave me two years to prepare myself for the test..."   
Aoshi trailed off. He sensed the uncertainty in Okina's voice and his   
heart was pounding wildly at the mention of a trial. Was he fit   
enough? Aoshi began fidgeting uneasily and he pulled at the collar of   
his yukata, suddenly feeling warm as cold sweat broke out. Okina   
didn't sound very optimistic about the entire procedure and it was   
giving Aoshi jitters.   
  
"It isn't as easy as you think, boy," Okina sighed and stopped   
walking. Clutching at Aoshi's shoulders, he stooped down in a half-  
kneeling position and looked at Aoshi intently. "Especially   
considering the fact that your tears flow too freely..."   
  
"Okina, I have promised you I won't cry ever again; and I   
didn't shed a single tear for the entire day..." Aoshi choked back,   
the gentle night breeze ruffling his bangs. He looked pleadingly at   
Okina, his slender fingers clutching the man's bony ones. "I   
promise... I promise I'll train hard too... I won't be lazy, I won't   
have afternoon naps... I won't spend my time playing with other   
children..."   
  
"Good then, I'll start training you tomorrow. No days off   
except for the 1st and 15th of every month. I also can't train you   
everyday, ne? Both of us will go out for some entertainment," Okina   
smiled, secretly proud of the young boy's determination.   
  
"Really? That means I'll be ready for the four levels in the   
test?" Aoshi exclaimed, a wide grin immediately lighting up his face.   
  
"Yes, boy, but I can't guarantee you can pass all four levels.   
It all depends on your willpower," Okina replied and flashed the boy   
a small grin. "Now go to sleep. You'll need a lot of rest for   
tomorrow," Okina urged and gave Aoshi a mild shove on the back of his   
neck.   
  
Aoshi nodded happily and ran across the silent garden, leaving   
Okina to stand there by himself. Okina sucked in the cool night air,   
his eyes following the dark shape of Aoshi's figure through the   
isolated garden.   
  
*That boy... He has the potential.*   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Get up, Aoshi! Boy!" a voice screamed near his head. Aoshi   
stirred lazily and pulled his blanket over his head. Suddenly, a hand   
reached up and pulled away his bedclothes roughly, making Aoshi open   
his eyes at the abrupt burst of daylight.   
  
"The sun is already in the middle of the sky and you are still   
sleeping?! Get up now, young man," the voice growled angrily and   
proceeded to strip him of his blanket and futon.   
  
"Huh? Okina?" Aoshi whimpered softly, his hands trying to   
shield the piercing sunlight from his still-sensitive eyes.   
  
"Listen here, Aoshi. If you don't get yourself dressed in half   
a stick of incense time, you are going to miss breakfast," Okina   
warned, sticking his hands by his sides. Aoshi rubbed his right eye   
with a hand and looked up at Okina, his face still showing pure   
confusion.   
  
"Aoshi, we have our breakfast at the first call of the rooster   
every morning and everyone's waiting for you! Everyone's there   
already except you!" Okina continued and tapped his left foot   
impatiently on the floor planks. Aoshi quickly took off his night   
yukata and shivered helplessly as the cold air made direct contact   
with his bare chest. "I was just thinking of letting you sleeping   
for a short while more yet you are too busy dreaming about other   
things. Next time, I'll wake you up after I get up in the morning."   
  
"Gomen ne... I... I can't seem to wake up in time..." Aoshi   
stumbled as he began to blindly grope around for his clothes. Okina   
rolled his eyes and began walking around the tiny room before his   
sharp eyesight fell on a heap of cotton fabric lying underneath a low   
table.   
  
"Aoshi, are those yours'?" Okina asked, using the tip of his   
foot to gesture at the pile on the tatami-covered floor.   
  
"Thank you!" Aoshi nearly screamed in delight and scrambled   
quickly with his hands outreached. With deft fingers, he took the top   
part of his gi and fastened the ties with a simple knot. Okina looked   
at his naked back and sighed. Aoshi began to tie a red string around   
his neck and Okina shook his head. *Now, since when did that boy   
need to have a piece of string hanging there?* He dismissed the   
thought and folded his arms. Aoshi quickly knotted his white sash   
around his waist securely and heaved a small sigh of relieve.   
  
"Okina, I'm ready," Aoshi declared with a proud smile. "May we   
go now?"   
  
"Yes," Okina answered and strode out of the room. "Next time,   
be more punctual."   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Two dozen pairs of eyes stared at him as he entered the huge   
room, making Aoshi feel very self-conscious. A long table was set   
right in the middle and there were more than twenty individuals   
sitting by the table and their chopsticks were placed neatly by the   
right side of their food trays. Each of them were kneeling down in   
the traditional pose and it was basically very quiet in the wide   
space.   
  
"Aoshi, take the nearest seat," Okina urged in a low whisper   
and gave him an assuring pat on his shoulder. "And, try to eat as   
fast as you can after Okashira strikes the gong." Aoshi looked at him   
and nodded. Okina left him alone and strode up to the other end of   
the long wooden table before taking his seat beside an old man whom   
Aoshi recognized as the Okashira from the night before.   
  
Very self-consciously, Aoshi kneeled down on the unoccupied   
tatami mat and looked down at his lap. He noticed everyone else   
seated along the table also sported similar positions, including   
Okina.   
  
*Strange,* he thought with a mental shrug.   
  
There was total silence in the room.   
  
There was a soft cough from the other end and Aoshi peeked up   
with profound curiosity. He saw the Okashira stand and pick up a   
small wooden baton from a serviette as he walked over to a huge brass   
gong at the side of the room. With a single fluid stroke, he raised   
his hand and struck the still object.   
  
*Dong!*   
  
The clear sound of the metal gong being struck rang throughout   
the entire enclosed space and very soon, the sound dimmed   
considerably. Just as the gong stopped ringing, everyone picked up   
their rice bowls instantly and began stuffing food into their mouths   
with their chopsticks.   
  
Aoshi looked in astonishment as he picked up his own bowl.   
There was so much food laid before him! Aoshi shot a look at a girl   
about his own age sitting opposite him. She was too, busy eating and   
stuffing food down her throat. Gradually, she looked up, as if   
feeling Aoshi's stare.   
  
She smiled at him. "Ohayo..." she greeted him politely.   
  
"Ohayo..." he greeted, smiling back shyly and looked away.   
  
"I'm Omasu... Are you new here? I have never seen you around,"   
the girl answered and flashed him a demure smile. Aoshi stole another   
look at her. *She has beautiful eyes,* he noted. The girl winked at   
him and picked up her chopsticks again.   
  
"I... ah... I'm new here... I'm Matsudaira Aoshi and Okina   
brought me here," Aoshi introduced himself and smiled coyly at her.   
The girl lowered her eyes and giggled softly. Aoshi felt his cheek   
grow hotter and he quickly looked down, avoiding Omasu's gaze.   
  
"C'mon, why are you not eating? We have to be quick because we   
will have lots of work to finish before midday," the young girl urged   
with a twinkle in her eyes.   
  
Aoshi nodded and picked up his slender pair of chopsticks.   
"Hai..." the boy answered and began concentrating on the food set   
before him.   
  
He stole another glance at her and the girl looked back at him   
playfully, bringing another soft blush on Aoshi's cheeks. The young   
boy smiled weakly and started chewing on a small piece of fish.   
  
"Alright everyone. Time to move on," a male voice announced   
suddenly. Aoshi looked up and nearly dropped his chopsticks in   
surprise. *So fast?!*   
  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you something."   
  
It was Omasu again. Aoshi raised an eyebrow to look at her, his   
dark eyes full of questions. The young girl held back a small giggle   
again and watched him blush.   
  
"We, as members of the honorable Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu, really   
treasure the time we have everyday. Breakfast's already over and you   
will have to wait until noon to get your next meal," the girl laughed   
and got up from her kneeling position.   
  
Aoshi stared at his own tray of untouched food, his face   
showing shock. A pair of feminine fingers began tapping on his   
shoulder just as he was about to lifted up a ball of steamed rice to   
his mouth.   
  
"Time's up, young man," the woman ordered with a stern look on   
her face. "Either you get out now or you do the rest of the   
housekeeping today and that includes washing all the dirty clothes   
and sweeping the entire Aoiya."   
  
"Gomen..." mumbled Aoshi and got up from his seat, his stomach   
rumbling loudly.   
  
"He's new here so he doesn't know the rules, Kasuga. Aoshi,   
let's go to the courtyard where you'll meet with other young fellow   
members," a voice interrupted behind him and Aoshi looked behind in   
pure surprise.   
  
"Okina..."   
  
"Let's go," Okina urged and took the boy's hand, walking out of   
the huge dining chamber.   
  
"Demo... De..." Aoshi started but quickly silenced himself   
after a warning look from the middle-age man. While trying to keep up   
with Okina, he kept rubbing his empty stomach, as if trying to ease   
the hunger itself. With quickened steps, he strove to keep up with   
Okina's speed.   
  
"Aoshi," Okina said suddenly as he came to a halt as the duo   
stood under a shady tree. Turning around to face the boy, he asked,   
"Did you manage to eat anything just now?"   
  
"... Yes..." the boy replied after a pregnant silence and felt   
his stomach clench pitifully. *Okina already has so much work on his   
hands... I shouldn't bother him right?* Aoshi whispered secretly in   
his heart and looked down at the pavement leading to the courtyard   
unhappily.   
  
Okina heaved a heavy sigh. "I know you didn't get to eat   
anything just now judging by your red face... I could even see it   
from the end of the table," the man blurted out and shook his head   
slowly. "You were too busy talking with that girl... Beautiful and   
cute girl, ne? She is the daughter of one of our Onmitsu warriors,"   
Okina grinned and reached into the inner folds of his robe.   
Extracting a small package, he shoved it towards Aoshi's bare hands.   
  
Aoshi looked up at him with questioning eyes as his fingers   
wrapped themselves around the cloth-wrapped bundle.   
  
"Open it..."   
  
Carefully, Aoshi began to unwrap the package with Okina smiling   
at him. "Okina, this is..." Aoshi began as a large single steamed   
rice ball peeked out from within the folds of the coarse fabric. He   
looked at the food quizzically before turning his attention to Okina.   
"This..."   
  
"This is for you. I knew you would be too distracted to eat   
anything with that brat of Hyobe's sitting nearby," Okina answered   
and gave the boy a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Now, eat this up   
quickly before anyone sees us."   
  
"Hai!" Aoshi agreed with newfound joy immediately and started   
stuffing the food down his throat. Okina looked at him with   
amusement, his heart experiencing a warm feeling.   
  
He hadn't experienced such emotions for a long time now...   
Since... since Ichiro died. With his eyes gluing themselves to the   
Aoshi face, he began reminiscing the past.   
  
*His* past.   
  
Faces of beautiful women and their seductive voices flooded his   
mind endlessly, like the water in a river which never stopped   
flowing. With days of pleasure and nights of passions, he had lived   
to enjoy such luxuries. Okina sighed softly and folded his arms. He   
had been very wild and carefree when he was younger and he too had   
his fair share of broken hearts, but now... he was concerned about   
the future of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu. His body ached for a simple   
touch from a geisha too often, that he was still visiting teahouses   
and pleasure houses a few years back then.   
  
But he wasn't in the mood to go to such red light districts   
anymore.   
  
Things were getting difficult nowadays. The Ishin-shishi were   
winning battle after battle, the defense of the military regime was   
already starting to crumble. As for the Okashira, Okina knew that he   
was already too old to handle any missions. The leader never trusted   
anyone, including him. The Oniwabanshuu needed new blood. They needed   
a young leader, someone who could lead them effectively.   
  
*Ishin-shishi...* Okina's lips twisted into a wry smile.   
Perhaps it might be a good change, but his loyalty towards the   
Tokugawa shogun was already carved in his soul. Japan must accept   
new changes to meet the challenges of the modern world, but the   
shogun was too obsessed with beautiful women and kabuki actors to   
run the country properly. Treacherous subjects flooded the shogunate,   
each wanting to squeeze more money and power thus making the   
governmental structure weaker and weaker as days pass by. Deep inside   
his heart, Okina knew the Tokugawa shogunate was nearing its final   
days. The man quickly blinked away tears as thoughts of seeing the   
Edo castle being torched and pulled down by strangers crossed his   
mind.   
  
This also meant the Oniwabanshuu were heading for a very   
difficult period of time without financial support from the Shogun.   
The restaurant which Aoiya was currently running had already proved   
itself to be a poor source of income, only capable of supporting   
twenty men per month. Without the shogun's financial aid, their   
supply of food was getting considerably less and many of their   
servants and members had decided to seek new lives, instead of dying   
with the Oniwabanshuu.   
  
They chose to leave the Shogun's service. Okina spat angrily.   
Such men were useless. No honor, no loyalty.   
  
Okina knew he would never leave the Onmitsu to fend for itself.   
He had responsibility to make sure that this clan would continue to   
exist in the future. He had sold his life to the Shogun and to the   
Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu clan and he would remain loyal to them until his   
last breathing second in this world.   
  
To show his loyalty, he had sacrificed many lives. Too many, in   
fact.   
  
*Including your own family,* a voice whispered in his head.   
Sometimes, Okina doubted it was worthwhile, but it was already a fact   
that he had no-one with whom to share his bed.   
  
Okina leaned somberly against the tree trunk behind him. Twenty   
years ago, he had a family, a very happy family. He was a proud   
father of a five year old, the proud father of Kashiwazaki Ichiro.   
He was a good husband to his wife, someone whom she could rely on. In   
short, he was a good man.   
  
But he failed them.   
  
He failed them just because he was too loyal.   
  
He looked at Aoshi again, watching the boy chewing on the last   
piece of the rice ball. He felt responsibility for the boy.   
  
Maybe he could act as a father to the poor orphan.   
  
Okina smiled wryly at that thought. *Ichiro-chan would be happy   
to have a new brother...* a soft voice hinted deep in his heart. He   
smiled to the empty air again as he stroked his short goatee,   
grinning happily. He saw the potential in the young boy. Aoshi was so   
energetic and he had a high level of intelligence for a child his   
age; but what Okina really wanted in a person was the willpower one   
possessed.   
  
Aoshi had a strong willpower to succeed.   
  
"Okina..." a child's voice called but the man remained still,   
his face sporting an idiotic smile as he delved deeper into his   
thoughts. Aoshi narrowed his eyes and shoved the older man softly.   
  
Still no response.   
  
"Okina..." Aoshi called again and he began tugging at the lower   
panel of Okina's haori. Okina broke out of his simple trance and   
looked at Aoshi with narrowed eyes. "What is it?"   
  
"Aren't we heading for the courtyard? I thought you promised to   
train me starting today..." Aoshi began and released his grip on   
Okina's clothes.   
  
"Yes, yes... Let's go," Okina grinned and gave the boy a gentle   
push before walking with the young boy along the garden path.   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Ohayo Okina!" a loud voice greeted enthusiastically, causing   
Aoshi to look up in shock. In the distance, there was a well-built   
young man in his early twenties waving frantically at them. After   
seeing the man, Aoshi turned his head to gaze at Okina. The older man   
only responded with a slight nod of his head and continued walking.   
  
"Who is he?" Aoshi asked curiously.   
  
"Oh, he is our Okashira's only son," Okina answered curtly   
and smirked. "He is getting married soon."   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Yes. Don't ask so many questions," Okina sighed and began   
walking towards the far end of the wide courtyard.   
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Okina," another voice greeted politely. This   
time, it was a female voice and through Aoshi's eyes, he saw a tall   
woman with striking features handling a halberd as she greeted Okina   
politely.   
  
"Ohayo, pretty girl," Okina teased playfully and winked at her.   
The woman blushed and turned her head around as she began practicing   
some elaborate moves with her long weapon. Grinning widely, Okina   
proceeded to a deserted corner of the yard. Through his young eyes,   
Aoshi saw the interaction between Okina and the woman.   
  
*Strange...* Aoshi thought and continued walking.   
  
"Aoshi, sit down," Okina ordered when they came to a halt.   
There were two pieces of granite with flat surfaces embedded on the   
ground, one was slightly elevated while the other was considerably   
lower. Nodding once, Aoshi took his seat on the lower rock, shivering   
a little when the cool surface of the stone made contact with his   
body.   
  
Okina smiled and sat in a meditating pose on the higher stone.   
"Today, we are not going do any physical training. As I have always   
believed, the learning of theories behind a stance is the most   
important. Do you understand this point, boy?" Okina spoke and placed   
his hands in his lap.   
  
"Why is that so?" Aoshi asked, his blue-gray eyes showing   
genuine interest.   
  
"There is no power in throwing a punch when you don't know   
where your opponent's weak point is. There is no strength in kicking   
an enemy when you can't break through its defense. Last of all, you   
will get injured when your judgment isn't accurate," Okina answered,   
secretly laughing when he saw the confused look on Aoshi's face.   
  
"I..."   
  
"Don't understand, ne? You will, when we delve deeper into the   
circle of martial arts," Okina said and breathed in deeply. "Now,   
tell me your purpose in coming to the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu."   
  
"To seek revenge," came Aoshi's curt and sharp reply.   
  
"No, you are not here for revenge. No man would take revenge   
with considering about his own honor, and also the honor of the   
Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu. You are here to learn about the ways of   
becoming a samurai. You are also here to understand the ways of life   
and also, to serve our shogun," the man voiced out evenly and he   
sucked in more air before exhaling slowly.   
  
"To learn about the ways of becoming a samurai," Aoshi repeated   
softly. Suddenly, memories of himself learning bushido flashed past   
his young mind. *A samurai...* Sometimes, Aoshi wished he wasn't born   
in a daimyo family. He was forced to learn and memorize the ten basic   
honor code of a true samurai, leaving him exposed to all the blood   
and gore. Closing his eyes, the young boy recalled those times when   
his father labeled him useless after his small hands didn't manage to   
lift a sword.   
  
It was different now.   
  
He was now learning bushido for his survival. Okina was kind to   
him and that made lessons a lot more enjoyable. Slowly, Aoshi began   
to concentrate on Okina's words once again.   
  
"To be a respectable samurai, you must master at least five   
budo and understand the ten concepts of bushido," Okina started, this   
time breaking out of the short trance which he induced himself into.   
  
"What are the five budo?" asked the boy, eager to learn more   
about the ancient military arts of Japan.   
  
"No, you have the wrong idea about five budo. A budo is a way   
of martial art. You must know that mastering one isn't easy. There   
are many budo available for you to learn, but it is impossible to   
master above ten of them. I, myself, only managed to master seven of   
them. As for Okashira, he had achieved the highest level for nine   
budo," Okina explained slowly as he stroked his short goatee.   
  
"What about the four tests? Are they connected to all this?"   
the young boy asked persistently.   
  
"Yes; in a way, yes. The four level test is important in our   
clan, each of them will drive you to the very extreme in your   
intellectuality, physical strength, judgment power and also, your   
endurance. To pass such a level is never easy, as passing each level   
is tougher than the one preceding it. At least, for the first three   
ones."   
  
"What are the four levels actually?"   
  
"The first level will be an in-depth test of your accuracy and   
judgment in very obscure cases. You must understand that the Onmitsu   
Oniwabanshuu works for the shogun especially in the field of   
espionage. The ability to dissect and solve a problem is very   
important to all of us." Okina paused for a moment before continuing.   
"The second is on your ability to fight with your bare hands and   
also, your physical movements. Most of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu clan   
members are experts in kenpo, including me. As I have mentioned   
before, our main job is to gather information from the shogun's   
enemies and to sneak into a heavily guarded castle isn't easy. To   
walk on roofs noiselessly and to climb walls without ropes are   
special abilities we need to possess. Besides, we are responsible   
for the shogun's safety because we do act as bodyguards to him."   
  
"That means, the Oniwabanshuu is a ninja clan?"   
  
"No, we are not a ninja clan, although we do the same type of   
work basically. We don't sell our services to anyone except the   
shogun. We have pride in our jobs, instead of those hinin who would   
die for just ten copper coins!" Okina barked and glared at Aoshi   
sharply. "We are a samurai clan. In short, we are servants to the   
shogun. Our Okashira is in fact, a high-ranking samurai."   
  
"Gomen..." Aoshi mumbled, his eyes downcast.   
  
"Alright Aoshi, try not to apologize so often. Have confidence   
in yourself because you will need it when you get to the third level.   
In fact, I would say this level is the toughest of all. You will be   
placed in a make-believe mission to steal a concealed scroll in the   
Okashira's quarters. In fact, I don't think anyone has managed to   
pass this level in our one century of history. Either they come out   
dead, or they decided not to continue with it," Okina said and smiled   
a little, his heart feeling pity and sympathy for Aoshi's condition.   
  
"I'll be the first one to pass it," Aoshi declared in a   
determined tone and looked at Okina seriously. "I'll beat the odds."   
  
"We'll see, child. The fourth level would be the final one, the   
level which you have to demonstrate your skill in handling a weapon   
of your choice. Although it's better to train with a pre-determined   
weapon from the start, I'd recommend that you try out every single   
type before deciding on one. See my point, boy?" Okina asked, raising   
a brow in anticipation for Aoshi's answer.   
  
"Yes, to find one which I would be the most comfortable with,"   
Aoshi replied and nodded.   
  
"I'm not very sure how Okashira is going to grade you in this   
level but I promise I'll do my best to help you, ne?"   
  
"Doumo, Okina," Aoshi smiled and gave the man a slight bow.   
  
"Alright, I'll show you your new friends than and I'll take you   
to our weapon department tomorrow," Okina suggested and stood up,   
with Aoshi following him.   
  
As Aoshi walked behind Okina, he could sense a rush of   
adrenaline pulsing through his veins. *Yes, finally a chance to   
take a sword with my own hands...* Aoshi whispered deep in his heart,   
his mind toying with the thought of gripping the smooth ebony sheath   
of a sword before drawing it with a single flowing movement. He   
grinned happily; his dream of becoming a successful swordsman was   
already materializing.   
  
But there was never an easy path to achieve one's hopes.   
  
Little did he know he was heading to a place where death was   
the only way out.   
  
Little did he know he would be forced to grow up too soon.   
  
Little did he know he would grow up to be a man who would never   
let his feelings show.   
  
He would be a man wearing a mask hiding his true self.   
  
An invisible mask.   
  
He entered this world of hatred and revenge with a child's   
footsteps, but exited with a man's strides. He had finally begun to   
embrace the sword.   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Copyright reserved 1999, 2000 W. Siew Lee   
  
All standard Rurouni Kenshin disclaimers apply to this fanfic.   
  
E-mail: Siew Lee [wsiewlee@tm.net.my]   
URL: http://www.rurouni.org/dreams/   
UIN: #14025577  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	4. Default Chapter Title

---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Dreams in the Dark   
  
Part 1 : Embracing the Sword (Chapter 4)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Ohayo, shishou," a small group of boys greeted together. Aoshi   
squinted, trying to get a better view from afar. Okina continued   
walking in their direction as if nothing had happened and Aoshi had   
no choice but to follow the older man along.   
  
"Aoshi, those are the junior members of the Onmitsu   
Oniwabanshuu under my training. In the future, you might have to   
train with them and share those jobs given out. We are a very   
disciplined clan. We have divided our members into small groups and   
each of them are required to distribute their chores equally," Okina   
started in a low tone and waited for Aoshi's response before   
continuing.   
  
"Am I a member of that group?" Aoshi asked curiously and gave a   
little gesture with his hand, pointing towards those boys whom they   
had seen earlier.   
  
"Yes, temporarily. I must tell you though, this group is   
actually a junior group."   
  
Aoshi nodded slightly and placed his arms behind him, his eyes   
keeping their stare on those boys. *Ah... Even three year olds are   
trained here... The Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu must be very serious with   
their jobs...* Aoshi noted and smiled softly. *Even Omasu is   
there...* The boy turned his head away quickly in embarrassment when   
the girl waved at him enthusiastically. Aoshi peeked up a little,   
trying to get another view of her sweet face, his mind already   
reeling from the girl's playful looks.   
  
"Eh, Aoshi, why are you daydreaming again?" A hand reached over   
and gave his head a little tap. "Are you listening to me?"   
  
"Aa..." Aoshi answered simply and focused his sight on Okina's   
thin form. The man folded his arms across his chest and gazed at   
Aoshi thoughtfully. "Are you ready to train? As I have told you   
before, you will feel like dying when you reach a certain stage,"   
Okina told the boy doubtfully. Aoshi rolled up his sleeves to look at   
his bare arms before raising one of them, only to show Okina how bony   
and pathetically thin it was.   
  
"You have to bulk up, young man," Okina sighed seriously but a   
twitch by the side of his mouth gave him away. He stroked his short   
goatee and nodded at Aoshi, his eyes looking at the boy's arms.   
  
"Ah, Okina, you are quite thin too," Aoshi retorted playfully   
and held back a snicker. "I have seen your arms when you are   
sleeping."   
  
"*That* is different, boy," Okina shot back hastily and cleared   
his throat. "Alright, let's not talk about muscles. Let's go over to   
that bench there."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"You'll see later. I'll teach you one of the most basic stances   
in any kenpo." Okina smiled and took Aoshi's hand. "Most of our   
Onmitsu arts are based on empty handed fighting and when you reach   
higher levels, you *can* incorporate weapons into your basics.   
Besides, you really need to have some knowledge in martial arts   
before I can teach you any type of budo."   
  
"Okina, you said that merging hand techniques with weapons is   
possible. Can you show me how?" Aoshi asked and looked at Okina   
pleadingly. "I really want to see."   
  
"No. We are not allowed to do any demonstrations to outsiders."   
  
"Please?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Onegai?"   
  
"Alright, alright, but I'll show you when we are alone with no-  
one watching," Okina promised and sighed at that boy. "Your style of   
persuading people reminds me of someone I know." When the older man   
finished the sentence, Aoshi noticed that he had a faraway look in   
his eyes. The young boy smiled. Okina was a good man deep inside him,   
it was just that Aoshi couldn't quite understand the fact that he   
liked to gaze at young women with that glassy look in his eyes. Okina   
looked at him and smiled wryly. "I'll tell you more when you are   
older."   
  
"Okina, tell me. Who is it, onegai?" Aoshi asked curiously,   
eager to know more about the total stranger who Okina was talking   
about.   
  
"She is a tayuu. She is also like you, with all those 'onegai'.   
She was a very beautiful woman and I met her in Kyoto about seven   
years ago. She is one of the most unforgettable woman I have ever   
been with," Okina sighed and shook his head slowly. "It's a pity I   
never saw her after that night... I heard she was taken as a secondary   
consort by a powerful daimyo when I last searched for   
her..."   
  
"What night? What consort?" Aoshi asked curiously, eager to   
know more about Okina.   
  
"Eh, young boys aren't supposed to ask so many questions,"   
Okina tried to reprimand Aoshi in a stern tone but the merry twinkle   
in his eyes gave him away. The boy began to laugh quietly, attracting   
Okina's undivided attention.   
  
"What is it, Aoshi? What is so funny?" Okina asked, one of his   
eyebrows arching in curiosity.   
  
"Okina, you like to visit tayuu? I mean..." Aoshi paused for a   
short while, trying to find a suitable and polite way to place his   
words. "I mean... I have never seen an actual tayuu before and you   
sound so experienced..."   
  
That question caused a stir in Okina's emotional control for   
the second time that morning. Deep down in his heart, he felt an   
itch, slowly gnawing at him endlessly. Aoshi's eyes widened in   
curiosity when Okina suddenly sported a wide grin and rubbed his   
hands together. "Boy, in seven days' time, it will be the 15th of   
this month, ne? I'll take you out to a teahouse, since you wanted to   
see some women."   
  
"Ah... Okina, I don't mean..." Aoshi began slowly but was   
quickly cut off by Okina's words.   
  
"C'mon, let's train properly. No more 'onegai' or 'tayuu'.   
Although I told you we must start training tomorrow but I think it   
won't hurt just to start a little earlier," Okina interrupted Aoshi's   
words quickly and folded his arms.   
  
Aoshi shrugged aimlessly and waited for Okina's orders.   
  
"Aoshi, get on that wooden bench with each of your legs on   
either side. After that, stand on the ground and bend your knees!"   
Okina commanded and tapped his foot.   
  
"Okina... I..."   
  
"Do it quickly. We don't have much time since you are so   
insistent on passing those four levels," Okina tried to persuade the   
boy, only to have Aoshi putting his legs reluctantly on each side of   
the bench. "Bend your knees, I said."   
  
"Okina, the bench is too wide..." Aoshi complained and   
momentarily sat on the wooden structure. "My legs are aching."   
  
"It's normal, Aoshi. I myself trained on that bench when my   
father taught me my basics. I was about your age too and I didn't   
complain," Okina coaxed the boy. The boy looked at him quizzically   
and folded his arms. "What is it now?" Okina questioned him and   
sighed softly. "I'm not asking you to sit on a bed of nails."   
  
"Okina, I still don't understand why we have to sit like this.   
It's so ugly looking," Aoshi answered him and straightened his knees,   
his hands rubbing at his legs as he tried to ease the dull ache   
spreading in his muscles. Okina gave him an exasperated look and   
cleared his throat.   
  
"Look here, boy," Okina ordered sternly and stood up straight   
with his legs close together. Inhaling deeply, he shifted his right   
foot and half-sat in mid-air. "Make sure your toes point forward and   
keep a balanced stance. Don't slant to one side."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Come here," Okina instructed the boy and Aoshi took a cautious   
step towards Okina. "Push me with all your might."   
  
"Okina..."   
  
"Don't fret. I'll show you how important it is to have a good   
posture," Okina explained and gestured to Aoshi.   
  
The boy nodded and tentatively, he gave Okina a slight shove on   
the shoulder. Okina didn't budge, instead he glared at Aoshi, making   
the young boy shudder. "Did you eat anything? Are you sick or   
something?"   
  
"I..."   
  
"Push harder! Don't worry, I won't get hurt!"   
  
Biting his lower lip, Aoshi braced himself and gave Okina a   
very hard push on his shoulder.   
  
But the man didn't even budge. Okina looked at him and gave a   
small sigh. "Alright, that's enough. Did you notice that I didn't   
even move from this basic stance?"   
  
"Okina, why is that so?" the young boy asked.   
  
"When your stance is correct and balanced, your entire body   
will be very stable and strong. Even a tsunami won't be able to knock   
you down, do you get it?" Okina explained and pulled his left leg   
into a standing position. "I'm serious here, Aoshi. Wait here while I   
get something."   
  
Aoshi nodded and sat on the bench, his watchful eyes following   
Okina's movements. The older man went to the side of the courtyard to   
collect a few pieces of bricks and carried them carefully with both   
of his hands.   
  
"Go to the bench and do the stance which I have just   
demonstrated," Okina commanded as he placed those bricks on the   
ground. "Now bend your knees and sit properly."   
  
"Hai." Sucking in the morning air, Aoshi braced himself and   
shifted his legs into a more comfortable position. Bending them   
halfway, Aoshi gritted his teeth and tried to maintain a still pose.   
  
Okina rolled his eyes and stuck his hands on his waist. "Do you   
know how to ride a horse?"   
  
Aoshi shook his head slowly. "I... I have never ridden a horse   
before..."   
  
"Makes me wonder how efficient the Matsudaira clan is at   
training their youngsters," Okina grumbled under his breath and began   
using his foot to bend Aoshi's legs. "Sit like this and don't move!"   
  
"Okina, what are you doing?" Aoshi asked in shock as his   
innocent eyes followed the man's agile movements. The young boy   
cringed internally when Okina started piling three clay bricks onto   
each of Aoshi's thighs. Aoshi gritted his teeth as the small stack on   
his left legs began wobbling dangerously.   
  
"Don't let them topple!" Okina added hastily and went behind   
Aoshi. Using his shin and both of his hands, Okina grabbed Aoshi's   
shoulder and straightened the boy's posture. "Make sure your back's   
straight! Clench your fists and put them by the sides of your waist!"   
  
"Okina, the bricks are very heavy!" Aoshi complained through   
clenched teeth and held his labored breathing.   
  
"No, they are not. Tomorrow, I'll put a stick of incense   
directly underneath you so you won't slouch."   
  
"Okina..."   
  
"Don't complain. I'll be back soon," Okina laughed softly and   
walked away, his right hand stroking his short goatee. Seeing Okina   
strolling further and further away, Aoshi squeezed his eyes shut and   
tried to concentrate on balancing the two piles of bricks which were   
lying on his thighs. Breathing in deeply, Aoshi began counting   
silently in his heart while trying to maintain his pose.   
  
Time passed and those bricks seemed to weigh more and more.   
Even though his leg muscles were already starting to ache, the young   
boy forced himself to ignore the painful sensation. Aoshi's eyes   
snapped open and he focused his eyesight on the group of young   
warriors training across the courtyard.   
  
"The okashira's son is also there..." Aoshi whispered mentally   
and strained his eyes. Curiously, the boy scrutinized the young man   
from head to toe. Gradually, the other warriors beside the Okashira's   
son moved aside and gave the young man a respectful bow. The   
Okashira's son dismissed them with a simple wave and the rest   
retreated from the courtyard, giving Aoshi a even better view.   
  
*Couldn't be more than twenty years old... Quite good-looking   
too, the exact opposite of his father...* Aoshi decided cheekily and   
looked again. The young man bent down to pick a long and black   
object. *Must be the covering of some sharp weapon...* Aoshi thought   
silently, his gaze fixed on the young man's actions. Lifting it up   
with his palms, the man threw it high up in mid-air. Aoshi swallowed   
in fear once when the man jumped up to catch the long wooden sheath.   
Suddenly, he was holding a slender object in each of his hands which   
glittered under the sun's rays as he touched the ground.   
  
*Those are swords... Short swords... Strange, why is he using   
double kodachi instead of one?* Aoshi thought aimlessly, but   
dismissed the notion when the Okashira's son suddenly stood straight   
with the double swords crossed over his chest.   
  
Aoshi narrowed his eyes as he tried to get a better view. Step   
by step, the man moved forward and his hands began striking in   
several directions, one at a time. Aoshi winced slightly as the sharp   
reflection of the direct sunlight hit his eyes, but the boy was too   
absorbed by the graceful movements of the short weapons manipulated   
skillfully by the man. Aoshi squinted again, this time the man was   
standing in a still position in front of a tree.   
  
*What is he up...*   
  
Before Aoshi could even finish that silent sentence, the young   
man jumped up and shouted, the twin daggers flying out from his   
hands aimed directly at a tree branch. In less then a split second, a   
crashing sound echoed through the near-empty courtyard, causing Aoshi   
to nearly jump out of his skin. Before the young boy could even   
stabilize his own stance, another noise sounded beside him. With a   
shocked gasp, Aoshi looked down and a few pieces of broken bricks lay   
by his feet.   
  
Another pained gasp, Aoshi's legs gave way and his body   
collapsed on the hard ground. Picking himself up quickly, Aoshi tried   
to command his legs to move but there was only numbness. Using his   
hands to rub at his calves, Aoshi gritted his teeth and rubbed at his   
legs harder.   
  
"Hoi, what are you doing? Who are you anyway?" a voice shouted   
above him and Aoshi gazed up in pure astonishment. The Okashira's son   
was already standing in front of him.   
  
"Don't you know you are not supposed to watch?" the young man   
began angrily again, his eyes flashing with anger. "Tell me what are   
you doing here!"   
  
"I... ah... I..."   
  
"He is my new student," another voice interrupted calmly.   
  
"Okina!" Aoshi shouted and heaved a secret sigh of relief. He   
gave the Okashira's son another look and was surprised to see the   
young man bowing slightly to Okina.   
  
"Gomen nasai, I thought he was some child beggar. Okina, you   
should let him eat more. He's too skinny to be one of our warriors,"   
the young man criticized and shook his head slowly.   
  
"Aoshi has only been here since yesterday, so give me some time   
to train him up. So, how is the Kodachi Nitou Ryu technique going for   
you?" Okina ended with a question and flashed him a small smile.   
  
"It's alright, but I can't seem to grasp the tempo and rhythm   
correctly..." the young man answered and sighed dejectedly. "Come   
with me, Okina. Let me show you what I mean."   
  
"Aoshi, get up," Okina whispered and lent Aoshi a helping hand.   
Gritting his teeth, Aoshi tried to ignore the dull ache in his leg   
muscles and stood up wobbly. Seeing that the young boy had already   
managed to stand, Okina released his hold on Aoshi's arm and followed   
the Okashira's son to the opposite end of the courtyard. Mustering   
all of his strength, Aoshi trailed the duo from afar.   
  
"Okina, look at this," the young man began and picked up the   
severed end of the tree branch.   
  
Okina shot him a puzzled look and examined the piece of wood.   
"Isn't it supposed to be a clean cut? Why is it so uneven?" Seeing   
the confused look on Okina's face, Aoshi strained to look at the   
branch. Peeking at Okina's facial expression again, Aoshi decided   
that there was something abnormal happening.   
  
"That is the main problem. As you can see, the snap is caused   
by my raw strength, not by the power by this technique. The Kodachi   
Nitou Ryu is a very fast and sharp set of sword techniques and   
chichi-ue had taught me how to incorporate the channeling of inner   
energy with those body movements, but it seems that the energy won't   
go together with the sword. It's like it's being trapped in my   
palm..." The young man lamented loudly and folded his arms in   
frustration. "I have tried so many times and yet the result is still   
the same."   
  
"Shingi, to master this technique will take *years*, not   
months. Your father took twenty years to achieve his current   
level..." Okina sighed and shook his head.   
  
"Okina, is there any way to improve the situation? Father is   
already old and I don't have much time to master the entire set of   
the Kodachi Nitou Ryu..." Shingi trailed off dejectedly.   
  
"Yes, every Okashira of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu must master   
this line properly. Well, have you tried meditation? It will help in   
controlling ki," Okina suggested and threw the tree branch aside.   
  
"Meditation... You mean the type in which you sit down and try   
to find your peaceful inner self?"   
  
"Yes. In all of our techniques, we tend to incorporate inner   
energy with physical movements and your control of ki is very   
important. With meditation, you learn how to control it more   
efficiently as to prevent yourself from suffering internal injuries.   
Besides, I'm sure having a calm mind will help in channeling ki."   
  
"Thank you, Okina," the young man uttered with a low bow and   
picked up his weapons which were lying on the ground. "I'll try."   
  
"By the way, has your father arranged your marriage?" Okina   
switched the subject of their conversation with a wide grin. "Have   
you seen your new wife yet?"   
  
The man flashed a small smile and folded his arms. "Uh, you   
mean that girl from another Oniwabanshuu clan?"   
  
"Yes! That pretty girl!" Okina shouted enthusiastically and   
gave Shingi a friendly slap on the back. "All of us have talked to   
her father and he seems to be rather enthusiastic about the entire   
marriage."   
  
"Hm... Father said that we will have the formal ceremony by the   
beginning of next year..."   
  
"Congratulations, my boy!" Okina said cheerful. "Ah, it has   
been eighteen years since you were born. Ah... Maybe I'm getting old   
already..." Okina sighed wistfully and stroked his short goatee.   
  
"No, Okina, you are not so old yet... Members of the younger   
generation still need you to help the Onmitsu survive, like me."   
  
"This clan needs new blood, and perhaps Okashira will pass you   
the sacred seat after your wedding. I can feel it. Besides, you are   
the most suitable candidate at the time being."   
  
"Thank you, Okina, for your encouragement." Bending down, the   
young man picked up the sheath of his kodachi and gave Okina a short   
bow. Giving Aoshi a small smile, Shingi turned around and departed   
from the duo.   
  
Aoshi nodded unconsciously at him and his stare was fixed at   
the long black scabbard containing the sharp blades of the twin   
swords.   
  
"Okina, why is he using double swords?" Aoshi asked suddenly.   
  
"Boy, this is the secret technique of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu   
and only the Okashira and his heir are allowed to learn it. In fact,   
no-one is supposed to look when the Okashira is practicing it."   
  
"Can I learn how to use the kodachi?"   
  
"Yes, of course. As I have told you before, there are many   
different techniques and I can teach you simpler ones, but not the   
one you saw Shingi using. That is one of our secret stances and don't   
expect me to teach you anything like that soon. I saw those broken   
bricks, by the way..."   
  
"Oh, that is why that Shingi man sounded so angry just now..."   
Aoshi mumbled softly and winced internally as his leg muscles began   
aching with a dull pain.   
  
"Eh, I think it's time for some academic lessons already before   
going for the last meal of the day. I believe every onmitsu must be   
well educated to perform any mission professionally," Okina said with   
a smile and gave Aoshi a friendly pat on the back.   
  
"Let's go for a short rest before doing anything else."   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Almost after an eternity, a week passed and it was filled with   
laughter and tears. The young boy endured through all the pain and   
torture, only to find himself nearer to his target of seeking justice   
for his parents and family. Day and night, he pushed himself to the   
limits, only to feel his young body bending from the stress. He   
didn't give up, for it had even strengthened his will to survive, to   
succeed.   
  
A small body lay on a straw mattress, the young boy sleeping   
peacefully but a small streak of tear gave away the actual truth of   
his dreams away. A man stood over him and sighed. He reached out a   
finger to dab the rivulet away and shook his head.   
  
Nightmares and bad dreams - all of them were evil elements   
which lurk in the innocent mind of the child.   
  
"Aoshi, get up! We are going out now," the man's voice   
whispered happily in Aoshi's ear. The sleepy boy gave a small yawn   
and ignored the call. Shifting his position, his head rolled to the   
other side of his folded arms, trying to get some more sleep.   
  
"I'm tired... My legs still ache from all that running after   
breakfast..." Aoshi mumbled softly and yawned sleepily, his vision   
still blurry.   
  
"Hey, don't ever disparage running as a good way to train! If   
you want to be as fast as the wind, you better not complain anymore.   
Anyway, Aoshi, it's already evening. If we want to get a good place   
in the kabuki theater, we need to go out now," the voice urged again.   
Aoshi rubbed his eye lazily with one hand and peeked up at the   
smiling face.   
  
*Kabuki theater?*   
  
That very word woke Aoshi up instantly. Sitting up straight,   
Aoshi looked up at Okina strangely. "What kabuki theater?"   
  
Okina gave a small sigh and shook his head. "Haven't I told you   
that we will be going out on the 1st and the 15th of every month? You   
can train every day without rest, but I can't. We both need some   
entertainment, right?"   
  
"Arigato gozaimasu, Okina," Aoshi grinned excitedly and stood   
up, his hair tousled. Walking over to the end of the small room, the   
young boy selected a white slip and a brown jacket from a small pile   
of clothes. Peeling off his simple yukata, Aoshi began putting on   
those clothes.   
  
"Hm, you have shown some improvement," Okina began after a   
series of rustling sounds filled the room. Aoshi turned around to   
look at the man, only to see him picking up pieces of papers from his   
low table. "I have always believe that intellectual abilities must go   
together with physical training to form a good Oniwabanshuu member.   
We don't want any stupid followers going around foiling plans."   
  
Aoshi smiled, his heart bursting with pride from Okina's   
praises. "Anou... Okina, please don't joke with me. My writing is   
still poor," Aoshi started and looked down humbly. The young boy   
smiled happily as Okina nodded approvingly at those neat rows of   
calligraphy carefully aligned on white sheets of paper. "Ao...   
shi..." Okina mumbled softly and nodded again at the writing.   
*Aoshi's a very intelligent boy...*   
  
"Okina?" a girlish voice sang out and Aoshi looked at up in   
surprise, his fingers still working on the folds of his clothes. A   
cute face peeped into the room and smiled brightly. "Okina? Are we   
going now?" The girl gazed at Aoshi and waved a dainty hand at him.   
"Ah, Aoshi, you are here too..."   
  
*Omasu?* the young boy noted and flashed her small smile.   
"Konnichiwa, Omasu! Long time no see!" he greeted politely, his mind   
urging his hands to hurry up. Turning around, he fastened the sash of   
his pants around his waist securely.   
  
"Hah, Hyobe's little princess is here already. Aoshi, hurry up!   
By the way, Omasu is going with us to the kabuki theater before going   
to the teahouse," Okina explained. Aoshi nodded and walked up to   
stand behind Okina.   
  
"Omasu going with us?"   
  
"Yes... Besides, I don't think I can stand a certain female's   
constant droning about how boring the Aoiya is," Okina retorted and   
shot a sharp glance at the little girl.   
  
Omasu giggled softly and trotted over to Aoshi's side, the   
sleeves of her small kimono swinging as she walked. "Aoshi, you don't   
mind, do you?" Holding the boy's arm, Omasu wrapped her hands around   
Aoshi's limb and started towards the door.   
  
"Okina..." Aoshi began helplessly but his pleas were already   
drowned out by Okina's amused laughter.   
  
"Let's go."   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Quick! Quick! It's already starting!" Omasu screamed excitedly   
and began running towards the entrance of the wooden building. Loud   
traditional music was already blaring and Aoshi smiled softly. It had   
been such a long time since he had last watched a kabuki performance.   
  
"Omasu! Come back here! We don't have any tickets yet!" Okina   
shouted. Omasu stopped in her tracks and grinned. "Gomen nasai..."   
With light steps, she skipped over to Okina's side. "Okina, do get   
the tickets now!"   
  
"Both of you wait here while I go find the ticket man," Okina   
said and gave Aoshi a friendly pat on his head. Donning a basket-like   
deep hat, Okina flashed Aoshi and Omasu a assuring smile and walked   
towards the crowd.  
  
"Aoshi, have you ever watched a kabuki play?" Omasu asked and   
smiled smugly. "I have. What about you?"   
  
"Yes, lots of times too," Aoshi answered simply and smiled.   
Omasu nodded in acknowledgment and began looking around with her   
bright eyes. The duo stood there in silence and he folded his arms,   
his ears listening to the loud chatter of the crowd.   
  
He sighed softly.   
  
When he was living in the Matsudaira household, they never had   
the need to go out for an evening of entertainment. Perhaps it was   
because of the fact that his father was rich enough to invite the   
entire troupe of singers to perform within the comfort of his mansion.   
  
Such irony. Haha-ue loved kabuki plays too. Haha-ue always   
told him stories of her younger times when she cross-dressed simply   
to enter a kabuki theater; and that was the only thing haha-ue told   
him about her past.   
  
Aoshi sighed dejectedly. He hadn't thought of his mother for a   
long, long time. She was there all along, in his spirit, but he   
didn't even take note to dedicate some time to her in private.   
  
Slowly, Aoshi reached up to touch his own face lightly, drawing   
his finger across his cheek in one fluid movement. Chichi-ue had   
always said that he looked like haha-ue a lot. Those sharp features,   
the slender body frame...   
  
The most, his eyes.   
  
The boy reached into fold of his robe and removed a small   
copper coin. Attached to a piece of red string, Aoshi played with the   
coin and studied it. *One zeni...* Aoshi mumbled subconsciously and   
turned the coin around. *Haha-ue...*   
  
It was his mother's most prized possession, and also her last   
gift to him. The zeni was the smallest currency value and it was   
nearly impossible to buy anything with it; yet it was more valuable   
than its weight in gold to his mother. Although she never let him see   
her looking at it, Aoshi knew that she would spend hours staring at   
it. For long hours through the dim candlelight, his eyes peered at   
her hunched form behind the safe folds of his blanket.   
  
She would never know that he had spent time watching her.   
  
*What is so special about this coin?* Aoshi wondered silently.   
Haha-ue had even shed tears while looking at it.   
  
Aoshi flipped it around and fingered the small indent by the   
side of the coin. Tentatively, he placed a digit on the mark. The   
indentation was slightly bigger than the tip of his index finger and   
Aoshi looked at it intently, his eyes showing curiosity. It was as if   
someone had pressed the zeni so hard that the metal actually sank at   
one point. Who could have possessed such great strength?   
  
It was almost... inhuman.   
  
Aoshi swallowed painfully. He was certain that he would never   
know the answer. Haha-ue was already dead and no-one would know the   
story behind this single zeni...   
  
"Aoshi, are you feeling fine?" a girlish voice asked and a   
small hand shook his arm. Aoshi shut out his thoughts and turned his   
head to look at Omasu. The young girl looked back at him with worry   
written in her eyes.   
  
"Ah, yes," Aoshi answered and smiled. Omasu slowly released his   
arms and pointed in the direction of the theater. "Eh? What is it?"   
Aoshi asked, his focus following Omasu's finger. Quickly, he stuffed   
the zeni back into the bosom of his kimono.   
  
"Aoshi, I think you are blind. Look! Okina's waving at us!"   
Omasu exclaimed and took hold of Aoshi's arm again. "Let's go! The   
performance has already started!"   
  
"Aa..." Aoshi started but before he could even finish his   
sentence, he was already being led by his arm by the active girl.   
Threading nimbly through the milling crowds, both Aoshi and Okina   
walked towards the waving man. The entire place was very packed and   
the duo had difficulty making their way across the street. Turning   
sideways, Aoshi tried to squeeze his way out between two adults.   
  
"Ahhhh!!!" Aoshi exclaimed and stumbled backwards finally   
landing onto the bosom of a woman. Getting up quickly, Aoshi mumbled   
a word of apology and blushed as Omasu giggled merrily. Suddenly,   
Aoshi felt his arm knocking into a fairly hard object.   
  
"Watch it! My basket of eggs!" A loud and shrill voice shouted   
in Aoshi's ear, making the boy cringe. He shot a terrified look in   
the direction of that yell and a middle-aged woman was glaring at him   
angrily. "Look! You crushed my eggs!"   
  
"Gomen nasai..."   
  
"Aoshi, why are you looking so dazed?" another voice asked   
gently and Aoshi turned his head to look straight up at Okina's   
half-concealed face.   
  
"That woman..."   
  
Okina's eyebrows met in a soft frown and the man stood up, his   
sharp eyes looking at the woman. The peasant glared back at and   
studied him from head to toe. Her eyes drifted along his waist until   
they came to a halt on the double swords which Okina wore in his   
girdle.   
  
"Katana... Sa... Samurai? Gomen nasai!" the woman shuddered and   
gave Okina a low bow. Okina gave a small nod and his eyes watched in   
silent laughter as woman began apologizing. Stepping backwards   
carefully, the woman bowed again before hurrying off in another   
direction.   
  
"Aoshi, if you are going to become one of us, you had better   
train yourself to be less clumsy next time," Okina said and took   
Omasu's arm with one hand, his free hand clutching Aoshi's skinny   
hand. "After watching the play, I'll take the two of you to the   
Yoshiwara district since Aoshi wants to see some women."   
  
"Aoshi wants to see some women?" Omasu shrieked in surprise and   
the young girl let out peals of amused laughter.   
  
"Shush, Omasu. Don't tell your chichi-ue, deal?" Okina laughed   
softly and folded his arms. "Don't tell Okon too, she can't keep   
secrets properly."   
  
"Eh, how I wish Okon was here also..." Omasu pouted and folded   
her arms over her chest.   
  
"Who's Okon?" Aoshi asked simply and looked at the girl.   
  
"Okon? She is my distant cousin! Aoshi, trust me, she's a fun   
person and she's one year my junior," Omasu explained happily and   
wrapped her fingers around the boy's arm. "I'll introduce her to you   
when we have the chance."   
  
"Aoshi, you too. Don't go around telling everyone we are going   
to the Yoshiwara district when we get back to Aoiya," Okina lectured   
sternly but a slight curve by the side of his lips gave him away.   
"Besides, it's you who wanted to see female entertainers in the first   
place."   
  
"Ano... Okina..." Aoshi began but his voice was already lost   
among the loud chatter of the crowd milling around them. Left with no   
choice at all, Aoshi finally followed Okina into the theater.   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Woo... The ending was so sad..." A girlish voice began loudly   
and the sound of a man clearing his throat was heard outside the   
near-empty theater. "Aoshi, do you know why that woman had to commit   
suicide at the end? I don't really understand but the man there   
looked so upset."   
  
"No... I don't..." Aoshi blinked a few times and wiped the   
sleeves of his kimono across his eyes, dabbing at them. The young boy   
looked quickly in Okina's direction and the older man's eyes made   
silent contact with his gaze. Aoshi blinked again; this time, he   
noticed that Okina's eyes were watery too.   
  
"Okina, are we true men?" Aoshi asked softly and flashed the   
man a small smile, intending to make Okina eat his words.   
  
"True men also have feelings. We are made of flesh and blood   
after all," Okina answered simply and strode forward in the direction   
of the exit. "Hm, it's not very dark now. Alright, let's go to   
Yoshiwara for some entertainment, ne? Aoshi, you wanted to see some   
*real* women, right?"   
  
"Aa..." Aoshi mumbled and shot Omasu an exasperated look. The   
young girl giggled softly and took his hand. Aoshi looked at Okina   
again but the older man simply shrugged and walked forward.   
  
"Aoshi, don't worry... I think it will be fun!" Omasu whispered   
into her friend's ear and laughed again when Aoshi heaved a small   
sigh. "Okina's already like that... He even tried dragging chichi-ue   
to some popular tayuu a few years back, according to haha-ue."   
  
"Eh? Really?" Aoshi asked, raising his left brow curiously.   
"Okina really likes women?"   
  
"Oh yes, he does," Omasu answered shortly and ran forward,   
pulling Aoshi's arm as she went. "I might even go so far as to say   
that Okina's very twisted in a sense," she whispered into the boy's   
ear mysteriously and giggled again.   
  
"Really?"   
  
"Eh, you are doubting my words? Never mind, you will see   
later."   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The Yoshiwara was the most famous of all red light districts at   
that time. Rows and rows of uneven shop-houses lined each streets,   
along with stalls selling various types of local delicacies and   
little gold trinkets. Through his pair of young eyes, he looked   
happily at the rows of paper lanterns strung across the street.   
  
A soft, cool breeze blew around him as he eyed his surroundings   
with full enthusiasm. Couples were walking and milling around slowly   
as soft laughter and bashful giggling filled the air.   
  
"Aoshi, it's still early for the teahouses to open fully... Do   
you want something to eat first?" asked a manly voice above his head.   
Aoshi gazed at Okina thoughtfully and smiled.   
  
"No, no thanks," Aoshi answered at last with a slight shake of   
his head. Omasu still held his hand as the trio slowly made their way   
down the street. There were hardly any clouds in the dimmed sky and   
the sun was starting to set already.   
  
"Omasu, have you ever seen a beautiful sunset before? I mean,   
those you can really remember for life," Okina asked cheerfully,   
intending to bring up some conversation among them.   
  
Omasu shook her head and pouted. "Chichi-ue is always too busy   
to bring me any where... I'm always sitting around Aoiya."   
  
"What about your haha-ue?" Aoshi asked suddenly, his eyebrows   
knitted in a puzzled frown.   
  
Omasu stopped walked and held her breath. "Haha-ue... She's   
dead for a few years already..." she blurted out and sighed.   
  
"I'm sorry..." Aoshi mumbled softly and looked down. "My haha-  
ue's dead too... You still have your chichi-ue right? I lost my   
entire family overnight..." After saying those words, Aoshi clenched   
his jaw and balled up his fists. *Why wasn't I born earlier? I could   
have done something to stop this...* Slowly, a tear ran down the   
bridge of his nose and dropped onto the ground below.   
  
"Aoshi, there's no need for you to apologize..." Omasu began   
and lifted Aoshi's chin with her fingers. "I guess that's why we are   
like old friends now. We do have something in common."   
  
Aoshi looked straight into her watery eyes and sighed. "Yes,   
that is what I am thinking too..." Using the sleeve of his kimono, he   
dabbed the wet streak away and forced a smile on his face.   
  
"Thank you, Aoshi," Omasu whispered.   
  
"Hoi! Are you two finished with all those angst stories? I   
think I'm going to cry if both of you don't stop soon!" Okina's voice   
boomed above them, the man himself trying to cheer the duo up. "I   
know Aoshi's hungry. Just look at his face!"   
  
Aoshi forced a grin and folded his arms, his stomach clenching   
in raw hunger. "Don't worry about me, Okina. I'm not hungry," Aoshi   
continued, trying his best to be polite.   
  
"Hn, what do you mean by 'don't worry about me'? You are still   
growing and you need lots of food. Omasu, you too, young lady," Okina   
grumbled and reached into the folds of his inner kimono to retrieve   
his money pouch. Rolling his eyes, he walked towards a stall selling   
steamed dumplings and dropped a few coins into the makeshift counter.   
  
"Three, please," Okina requested and looked at the old seller.   
White tendrils of steam rose from the boiling clay pot as the old   
man fished out three pieces of the dumplings and wrapped them up in   
a piece of paper each. Presenting them with both of his hands, the   
man handed the food to Okina with a gracious smile.   
  
With a short wave of his hand, Okina gestured Aoshi and Omasu   
to go to the opposite side of the street. Pointing to a low stone   
curb outside a wooden building, Okina sat down and urged the children   
to sit with him.   
  
"Omasu, here's yours and Aoshi, this is your share," Okina gave   
them one of the small packages each. "Eat while it's still warm!"   
  
"Arigato gozaimasu!" Aoshi and Omasu chorused together and   
began unwrapping the food.   
  
"Still tastes the same..." Okina commented after taking the   
first bite. "Still as delicious as it was six years ago..."   
  
"Six years?" the two children chorused together, Omasu's eyes   
twinkling. Aoshi snickered softly as he bit into his dumpling.   
  
"Yes, it has already been six years since I last stepped into   
this part of Japan... Hasn't changed much, only the streets have   
become cleaner. It was sometime during the lunar new year when I   
came," sighed Okina wistfully and smiled. "There are lots of   
memories of my younger times here."   
  
"Okina, forgive me, but do you frequently visit the teahouses   
here?" Aoshi asked, his bright eyes fixing their sharp gaze on   
Okina's face.   
  
"Well... Yes..." Okina confessed slowly and a larger smile   
broke across his face. "When I was young, I was rash, passion-filled,   
handsome, dashing, brave... I was a man that every young woman would   
desire..."   
  
"Okina!!!" the two young children shouted together in   
exasperation.   
  
"Alright, alright, I won't talk about myself anyway. If there's   
a portrait of me in my heydays, the two of you will believe my   
words," Okina grumbled and rolled his eyes. "Omasu, you can ask your   
chichi-ue if you want."   
  
"Anyway, Okina... Why did you stop coming here since six years   
ago?" Aoshi asked again with his mouth full as he ate the dumpling.   
  
"Well, there are quite a number of reasons... First, it was   
because I'm already old..." Okina answered with a soft sigh and   
stroked his short goatee. "I'm no longer the young man I want to   
be..."   
  
"But you are not that old yet!!! Besides, your wife is long   
dea..." Omasu interrupted but stopped herself as Okina stopped   
smiling. The older man stopped eating and swallowed painfully.   
  
"I'm sorry..." Omasu whispered and looked down. "I don't mean   
it."   
  
Okina forced a smile and resumed chewing on his dumpling.   
"Never mind... What has passed is past. Eh, why am I talking about   
all those angst stories tonight? Let me tell the two of you about the   
last girl I met here, in Yoshiwara."   
  
"Yes! Please, please do tell us!" Aoshi and Omasu cheered and   
clapped their hands.   
  
"Well, she was the most unforgettable woman I ever had..."   
Okina began and sighed dreamily. "I think she was a tayuu, from her   
way of speech and dressing... I still remember the way she dressed   
that night... Okashira and I were here, together with some of the   
other senior members of the Onmitsu Oniwabanshuu as we were bent on   
celebrating the success of one of our missions. I was never a heavy   
drinker as I tend to believe that we should always be alert all the   
time, even during sleep."   
  
Okina paused for a moment to see whether Aoshi and Omasu were   
listening to him. Convinced that he had their attention, Okina   
continued with his rendition.   
  
"So I went to sit outside the restaurant, hoping to get a   
breather and some fresh air. Just then, I saw a beautiful woman   
standing directly opposite me, her hand was holding a delicate fan.   
She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my life. I   
half-wondered if she was an angel from heaven, but I pushed that   
thought away because why would an angel choose a place like this to   
descend?"   
  
Aoshi nodded and threw the brownish paper wrapper away. "What   
happened next?"   
  
Okina frowned and folded his arms. "Eh, don't interrupt me,   
Aoshi. Anyway, as usual, I smiled and waved at her and expected a   
reply. The woman didn't smile back, instead she began walking   
towards me. I still remember how she walked and how she dressed. She   
was a fairy... How can a human look so mystical and mysterious like   
her? When she came up to me, she asked me whether I wanted her for   
the night, and guess what? She said she wouldn't charge me at all and   
she pleaded with me to go with her."   
  
"Did you take her for the night?" Omasu asked excitedly and   
began tugging at the hem of Okina's short haori.   
  
"Eh, of course I did. No man under the sun could withstand such   
a charm from her," Okina smiled dreamily again and crossed his legs.   
"She was a pure woman, the best I ever had in my life. She was   
gentle, caring, but I never saw her smile which added to the overall   
magical effect she had on me. Her image is still etched in my memory   
until this very day. When I tried to find her after that, I only   
received the news that she was taken as a concubine by some powerful   
daimyo... For all I know, she might be living happily in a big   
mansion with dozens of handmaids to serve her now."   
  
"By the way, why didn't she take any payment? I thought tayuu   
charge customers for a living?" Omasu questioned Okina and scratched   
her head.   
  
"I don't know, but I gave her a zeni as a token of   
appreciation..."   
  
"ONE zeni? What for? Did she take it?"   
  
"Eh, that one zeni is one special zeni. Originally, there was a   
pair of such coins and they were given to me by a close friend who   
worked in an antique shop. They were minted more than 200 years ago   
in Osaka, long before the Tokugawa shogun came in power. Since she   
was one special woman, I decided to press a dent into one side corner   
of the coin and I gave it to her, dangling on a piece of red string,"   
explained Okina and dug around in the bosom of his kimono. "I think I   
have the other one here somewhere... They are identical."   
  
"Here!" Okina declared proudly and produced a single bronze   
coin.   
  
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Copyright reserved 2000 W. Siew Lee.   
  
All standard Rurouni Kenshin disclaimers apply to this fanfic.   
  
E-mail: Siew Lee [wsiewlee@tm.net.my]   
URL: http://www.rurouni.org/dreams/   
UIN: #14025577   
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  



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